Hunting The Muse

I got out of a relationship about 5 months ago and for some reason I cant seem to move on from him. I have been dating other guys but I always get uncomfortable and push them away. I dont know if its becasue they are not him or if I am just unsure of what I want. I went to stay with my sister over break and he was there, I had a little to drink and so did he and I spilled all my feelings to him. He didnt say much about it, but he did stay at my sisters for 3 more days after that. I cant figure out if he would ever give me a chance again, because he sends such mixed signals. I am going out of my mind trying to figure it out. But I guess the best thing to do is just move on and find someone else. I am so impatient when it comes to waiting though, but I guess all I can do is keep myself busy and away from him. Who knows maybe if he sees I am not following him around, and going to places I know hes gonna be, then maybe he will realize what he wants. But if he never comes back to me than I guess it just wasnt meant to be. But honestly, Yes I would love to have him back in my life, but if I cant have him I would love to get over him even more..

i know what you mean....i still cant get over zach, and being friends doesnt help me getting over him!!!!

hey, I'm going through the same thing!! hit me back if you are still talking on the subject so that we can chat..

tonya

i know exactly how you feel. my boyfriend and i broke up not too long ago and i still want tobe with him. he sends me such mixed signals and then when i call him or something he acts like he has better things to do.

me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday i cant think all i can do is keep myself busy all the time doing stuff like this,.....its terrible help

Okay. I been in a 9 month relationship and everything was cool until after the first 4 weeks. I got advice from an older person and they told me that when a relationship starts out good then it'll end good and vica versa. So i chose to stick it out because this boy made me laugh like i never laughed and cry like i 've never cried ( I'm the type female that keeps feeling inside but he opened me up). Anyways or relationship was having many down falls. We began arguing evert other day; i then began to ignore him because the agruing got old and played out. So we decided to have time away from each other and he cheated in that time we got our space. I was faithful the whole time and my heart couldn't take what he did so i broke up with him. We've been seperated for a week now and it's killing me WHAT SHOULD I DO????

I BROKE UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND OF 2 YEARS 2 DAYS AGO ON MY BIRTHDAY... AND BOY DO I NEED HELP

I broke with my boyfriend about four weeks ago. I am still having a hard time getting over him cause he calls me everyday and come by the house to see me at least three times a week. I asked him to stop calling and not to come by my house. I do not answer the home phone when he calls but I will open the door when he comes by. He tells me he loves me, send me flowers one day, and the next day I find out he is sleeping with someone else. Why would he keep telling me he loves me and then treat me like this? My best friend instructs me to not talk to him at all until I am strong enough to say no to him and not let him mess with my mind. I will tell you it is very hard to not speak to the man I love, but it is helping.

Me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago. We lived together for 5 months and then he moved back home and said he hadnt gotten over his ex. Now he calls me every day begging me back and telling me he loves me and wants to marry me ect and that it was a huge mistake. I dont know what to do and Im scared to trust him but I have symapathy for him because I have done the same thing before and my ex did not give me a second chance to prove that I had changed. I dont know what to do? I need someone to chat with that is going through a break-up that I can relate to.

Yeah i was dating this guy named Jordan for a year and almost 4 months and all of a sudden he just calls me and says hey i think we need a break and we should hang out with our friends more and stuff!! But now he is like oh we will be back together soon and then he was like NO DATING OTHER GUYS!! if you have any help for me let me know please i am so confused and lost!!

my boyfriend just broke up w/ me, we had been goin out for almost a year and he broke up w/ me a week b4 our anniversary. at first he said he wanted his space, so i gave it 2 him, he came back 2 days later sayin he was sorry, we got back, then he broke it off again sayin this wasnt right, then i found out he was talkin 2 another girl 2 get over me, the girl made him mad and he came runnin back to me sayin he loved me, then he broke up gain wen he said he was confused, then he came back to me agin and finally wen he said he wasnt happy, ilet him go and i was so fed up dat i don want him no more. but it hurts me so badddddddd cuz i still luv him, he was just so great 2 me he was my first luv, my first kiss, man i love him. HELPPPPPP IM DEVASTATED, i gave up all my friends for him, he had my whole hrt and now he took it away, anything good i had ebrythin i invested in this jus seemed 2 vanish i need him, iluv him i want him bak!

my boyfriend broke up with me about 3 days ago. he started over reacting becasue he said he called my cell phone and it went straight to voice mail for some reason. he thought that i was on the phone with some other guy or something, we started arguing, we both said some things that we shouldnt have said. I kept on hanging up on him (that gets him really upset) he kept on calling me back to argue (it was really late at night) the last time he called he said that he wanted me to go to his house and make up, i said i could'nt because it was 12:30am and I had to work the next day. he told me i was really going to regret not listening to him . all i wanted to do is go to sleep and stop arguing. now he wont talk to me he said he needs to teach me a lesson and that he no longer wants to be with me. I know that it's stupid to want to be with some one that treats a person like that, but i cant help it, i cant stop calling him, thinking about him and asking him to forgive me for some thing i didnt do. I dont want to let 2 years go down the drain for a stupid argument. I know he was tired, he hadnt gotten any sleep for 48 hours and i should have just let the argument go. But i thought he would be over it by now. please help, i want him back and i dont know how to achieve that. i dont want him seeing other people. I dont know how to give time to a situation.

hello im been doing with my b/f for 11 month and i just can't get over him . i tried to not call him and forgets his number but it just won't work . i need someone to help me because i losing weight behind this and i was 175 i dropped down to 155.

I had a baby not too long ago and his father has totally changed ever since. He started going to parties more and hanging around girls, like me and his son meant nothing to him. He started to lie and more girls started calling him. He complained that we faught too much but yet.. it was me explaining how he wasnt there for me or his son. We've been broken up for awhile and i still love him more than anything. But i constantly hear more and more about him liking other girls.. but yet he comes back and tells me he still loves me and wants to keep kissing, etc. I dont know what to do. All i know is that i need to move on.. away from the drama and away from the games. I go out with my girls and im around guys all the time but its seems that I cant get him out of my mind.. what should I do?

i really need help guys.. i am 16 and just got out of a very serious relationship .. the guy that i have really liked (loved or whatever) for 5 years.. finally he gave me a chance and we kept talking about marriage.. my mom and i were talking one night and she told me that she thought if brandons ex tonya was to ever break up w/her b/f then she thought brandon would try to go back w/her.. well i thought the same b/c every time we talked about her he would cry.. well our 3 month anniversary was on fathers day and he broke up w/me a week before.. so now its been three weeks and i still cant get over him .. i still call him every day or every other day.. i know i need to quit b/its like i cant get over him.. what do i do..? i really need some help .. please email me and give me advise.. i feel like ive lost everything..please help me .. it would greatly be appreciated.. thank you

Lesley you are so young and boys may come in and out of your life...This is not the right person for you and as you get older and you start learning more about life you will find the perfect person that is everything you ever wanted. And also to everyone if someone loves you and cares for you they would not leave you and would stick by your side..afterall..isnt that true love?????

I broke up with my boyfriend who I have been living with for 7 months, he is moving out, I have never lived alone and havent been without him for so long I feel like my world is stopped and I have no idea what to do. I just want him to come back to me. I am so sad and scared.

my boyfriend and I broke up after 2 years and 2 months. He hurt me for 7 months before we broke up so when we did this guy who really liked me wanted to start dating. We did but a month into the relationship I started to miss my ex and now he won't take me back because he said I hurt him more. That wasn't fair so I called him and he told me how worthless I was and he was glad it was over. I'm so hurt and frustrated!!!

I'm so pathetic! I started thinking about my ex-boyfriend again recently. We broke up a little over a year ago, thus ending an 8 year relationship. (We had been dating since senior year of high school.) I don't want him back. (Or at least I don't think I do.) But it confuses and saddens me to think that after all we've shared, he and I are no longer even friends. We haven't spoken to each other in a year! Even though I've called and e-mailed once or twice, explicitly telling him that I missed our friendship. I can't believe that people can be so cold and heartless. I'm pissed at myself for even caring. But I just can't get over how someone who once loved you so much for so long can just stop feeling ANYTHING at all. It makes me feel like I've wasted 8 valuable years of my life. And I'm still in disbelief. I find myself wondering at times whether it would matter to him if I moved out of the state, became extremely ill, or just plain died. I still want to matter, just a little bit. Why I feel this way every now and then, I have no clue. But I HATE this feeling!!

hey.. i think im the only guy in here.. o well.. so i just got out of a 2 year relationship with the girl of my dreams. this happened about 15 days ago.. anyways.. she got a new boyfriend the very next day.. i asked her if he had anything to do with it and she said no.. i just wanna know from a girls point of view.. it was about the guy right?? the only reason i ask is cause the guys not even better looking than me.. and im your classic gentleman.. so he couldnt be better than way.. anyways... the question is this.. did the girl that has my heart leave me for another guy.. or is it just fate that brought the two together.. i want a women's/girl's opinion..

thanks
-matt

Guys are very complex and so are women. But if the relationship sucks then who cares? Just remember the bad times, look at the whole picture. There's nothing you can do and do you really want to waste your tears crying? Do you think he's doing the same thing? Of course not, he's out having fun doing guy stuff. You need to move on. I'm trying my best here, my man moved out on me while I was in Chicago last week. I came back and he was gone. Today would have been our four year anniversary (July 14). We were engaged August 2003 and it started going sour in October. He kept saying that we were too different and there was too much fighting. All I know is that I put in my 110% in the relationship and now it's my turn to be taken care of and pampered. We are so broken hearted because we loved too much...we put too much into the relationship. Do not stalk, do not go to the same places. If you want him back and it was meant to be he'll want to be with you because you're confident, independant, moving on with your life and if you really are, you won't want him back anyways. Just remember, the boyfriend after the 'ex' is ALWAYS better. We don't feel that because we're scared. We fear the unknown. Don't let fear (the enemy) eat away at you. Unfortunately (and I say that very lightly and with humor), we have to wake up the next day and breath and live and work. Work on yourself, love yourself, it's okay to grieve but don't let yourself go or you'll be with a total loser and you don't want that. Get your hair done, go to the gym, make yourself look good and then you'll feel good and when you look damn hot and he wants you back you can flip him the bird!!!
Rina
xoxoxoxo

For Matt:

So classic gentleman eh? Wanna get together? Just kidding. I want to answer your question with a question: Does it really matter if the reason behind the breakup was because of another man? No. It's about her and how she has major issues. See people, it's not about us (the broken hearted), it's about them and how selfish they are. It's like when people cheat and the person who got cheated on feels like it was their fault because they didn't do enough, or they weren't pretty enough...holy crap, grab some confidence. It's about the other person because it was their action. I can guarantee that your ex that has a new boytoy now, will not even last and if they do guarantee they will have a difficult relationship due to the way it started, obviously with lies. Look at me typing here...I can't even take my own advice. It's getting a bit easier to fall asleep at night. And if you drink or do drugs you have a harder, longer time getting over this useless, selfish, heartless person.

Rina
xoxo

Hey, My boyfriend just broke up with me almost 2 months ago about 2 days before our 8 months. Before he broke up with me we were arguing because he had his ex girlfriend over his house for a BBQ but when I asked him if they were ever alone that day in his room he said no and then I asked him the same question like 10 mins later and he was like well....yea we were up in my room for 20mins alone. I got upset because I had asked him before and he said that they weren't alone I got off the phone with him and didnt hear from him all day the next day so when I didn't hear from him that night one of my guy friends gave me a call and heard I was upset and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner with him I asked my parents because I'm only 16 and this guy was 19 and they told me sure go ahead and have a good time because they knew I was upset with my boyfriend. Nothing happened that night and all I talked about was my boyfriend. I felt bad for going out with this other guy so the next day I called my boyfriend I went out and he got all mad at me and I was like well at least I was out in public not alone with him in my room. He started acussing me of cheating on him and saying I had sex with this guy when I definately did not. He broke up with me. I was hysterical for about 1 month crying non-stop because he was my first boyfriend, first kiss, and the first guy I truely cared about. Well I went to his house one day like 2 weeks later to bring over his watch he had left at my house from the last time he was over and his mother asked me to stay for dinner so I did and we were in his room he had all of the things I had given him still out and around the room I sat on his bed and found a letter I had written him right on his table and I was reading it and I started to cry I went and sat next to him on the couch and he was like whats wrong I told him nothing was wrong and I started to cry more thinking about how much I missed him. I told him how I felt, he gave me a hug then kissed me not once but 3 times and then told me he missed me very much and wanted to try and work things out between us he hugged me again and I felt like he was telling the truth but a week later I found out he started going out with one of his ex's again who lives in another state and they have been harassing me alot lately and then when I spoke up for myself she got mad and got her aunt who is a lawyer to threaten me with harrassment charges. Then last week my ex had some nerve to come to my job at the movie theatre with her. Every once in a while I read the cards he's given me and look at pictures that we took together and I get upset and I want to get over him it's just so hard and now I may have an opportunity with a guy whom I've had a crush on for over a yr who lives in minnesota and is coming to visit me next week. How do I get over my ex?

I feel for you Jennifer and I also think that you are having a wonderful opportunity at your age to experience this and face up to it. Unlike me who has never had a broken heart until now at the age of 26 and it's all new to me and I don't know how to feel or deal with it but I have to in order to survive this. But in your case, you said, "I may have an opportunity with a guy whom I've had a crush on for over a yr who lives in minnesota and is coming to visit me next week. How do I get over my ex?" You will not get over your ex if you start dating someone else right away. You're heart will still be with your ex no matter who you're with. Don't depend on someone else to make you happy because your ex isn't. You need to make yourself happy and if you can do that you will be able to make someone else happy. People will notice your aura and all the negativity around you even if you try to mask it. You are young, take your time, get to know you and live for yourself and make yourself happy before making anybody else happy. You have people that are here for you.

Rina
xoxo

My boyfriend of 8months told me "its over" yesterday. He was my first boyfriend, my first love. (Im 17 years old) I couldn't believe it when he told me becuase just the last time i saw him everything was fine. I kno he loved me before, not only did he tell me contsantly but also i could feel it. We both shared so much with one another and experienced so many firsts. Though we were young and i kno naive, we promised to try to stay together. But just yesterday he told me that with him going off to college it wouldn't work anymore. I was pathetic and tried to sway his mind. I was in denial and felt so helpless. He told me that he only loved me as a friend now. How can that be? Can love really vanish in a day and just disappear into thin air. Its the worst feeling knowing that you love someone so much but the feelings are no longer returned. But is that possible to just fall out of love so quickly and forget all that one used to feel?

Willow, I understand what you are going through! It is such a bad feeling when you still have strong feelings for someone who you care about and been with for so long that when it's over you don't want to beleive it and then you feel lost and like the world has just stopped. It is going to take a long time to get over what happened and you will never lose those feelings for him they will always be deep inside you. I even realized no matter how much my ex and his new girlfriend who is also an ex of his from before torment me, call me names, hurt and upset me I cannot say that I no longer have those feelings for him because I still do. No one can fall out of love that fast he probably still cares about you alot but guys have a problem showing their emotions like girls do they think that if they do they will be scolded or something thats just the way guys are. He will always remain a special person in your life because he was your first everything basically as was mine but you have to think well it was an experience to remember and take what you've learned from this experience and use it to guide you in your future relationships and who knows if you and your ex remain close friends maybe that spark that was felt between both of you before will shine again. But don't get your hopes up just in case it doesn't happen you don't want to get your heart broken a second time!

Hey, Me and my gay boyfriend have been together for almost five years,Don't get me wrong we had our ups and downs but now he comes to me and says he don't want our relationship to continue. Over the past couple of weeks he has made some new friends that i have yet to meet...I just know in my heart that there is some one else. He says he loves me and he always will but i should move on and live my life. My question is how do you live your life without someone you loved for five years. It is not like i can pick my self up and start over. How? I have no friends to talk to or help me go though this. I feel all alone.I really need some one to talk to about this and who has been though the same thing. so many question I have.

hey...cassie here. Im doing better about getting over my ex- Josh. It's been around 6-7 weeks. We were down staying at his moms house.. (and yes were both young..15) and at first i was careful...to not get to deep into a boy...because i had been hurt before. Well months went by and i began to really care about him...well anyways were at his moms..about 10 days from our 1 year anniversary and he was just being a total...dick. Thats a nice way to put it. Well for ex. he didnt want to sit close to me, wouldnt let me kiss him..hed say..ur just to close...then he started being mean..like id offer to get him to drink or anything..and it would be a no..and hed ask someone else to..so i got fed up w/hold back my tears in disbelief of this treatment that i never saw from him...and i told his mom i was finding a ride home..(she lives 5 hours from me and josh) and he asked me why i decided to leave soo early..and i said u have no idea? and he replied no..then i confronted him "josh u have been soo mean to me, ive never seen u like this, u wont let me kiss u, u dont want to hang out w/me, dont want to sit next to me, whats up? im leaving cause i dont deserve to be treated like this...whats up w/u?" and he replies " well im not trying to be nice anymore...i just dont know what i want anymore...i mean i love you..but im just 15 (which is true) and i just want to be a kid...but i will always love you...are u still going to leave?" when he started saying he didnt know what he wanted i started to cry...and told me it was stupid to cry over this...ok..hes FEELINGLESS! well a couple weeks go by..and we turn into friends and this continues about 10 days..and im very happy w/our friendship..then he just up and blocks my messages and wont respond..so i sent him a email telling him.. i just want to be friends and i still care about him..why he doesnt want to talk to me is all up to him..but i just want to be friends and just say hey every once in awhiel..well that was about 10 days ago..still havent heard from him..i miss him..still love him..ive been dating..and its soo akward..i just think of him! what do i do? i know get over him its over..what can i do to stop thinking about him sooo much? sorry this was soo long...Love ya guys! Thanks - Cassie

I need help.... My b/f of 6 months breaks up with me b/c "i cause him too much stress and he worries about me" i am only 15, very young and a life ahead of me, but he just dumped me for really no reason. He sauid i was inmatur?! but everyone tells me for my age i am matur and don't need him, now out of the relationship i see how he treated me and how it affected me,... he wanted me to change what i wore, he wanted me to change everything and if something went wrong it was my fault..i lost an earring that he bought for me for my b-day and he went crazy said i was irresponsible for losing it. He would say things like my friends keep telling me to break up with you and stuff like that all the time. Well he broke my heart and said he just wanted me to face the facts and get over it no matter what i said he wouldn't change his mind. I wore his class ring, he is a senior, and he asked for it back, but when we started going out he wore one of my rings. well when we broke up we wanted it back so i gave it to him and didn't think about my ring, well he texted me that night saying he left it in my mailbox. so in the morning my mom got it for me he put it in a envelope saying to tasha from anyomous...like we didn't know who it was from then he said we might go out again, but i realize now that i have talked to others that i am so much better off without him, but i break down and cry when i think about the good times, and during the relationship i never seen what i see now looking back and i feel better now, even though it has only been one night since the break up i feel better and already got ask out..and girls are calling to hang out too. so alls well ends well...hopefully

my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years and we keep breaking up and gettin back together. hes never cheated on me but ive cheated on him tons of times. i love him but cant seem to leave him alone. i dunno what my problem is. how do i just say goodbye. its hard cause we live together too. i need help so much with this situation

my boyfriend and I are breaking up eventually,we havent broken up yet but we both know this relationship wont last forever.Actually we cant imagine we will get married each other,thats why we talked about breaking up.But we still love each other,so we decided to stay together as a couple.We used to talk about marriage,having our kids,dogs,family car,buying a big house and so on.We still see each other,but even when I see him,I miss him so much.Because It seems he is moving on already.And even when I am with him,I am not in his mind.That makes me feel so sad.What should I do?Do I have to stop seeing him now?We have been together for 2 and a half years.And we spent so much time together.Now I dont know how to kill my time by myself.I am so scared of being single.

Miki:
I understand that you don't wanna be alone, because i am going through the same thing. I am scared to go on...even though i know i would be better off, i am just so use to having him there by my side then out of know where he drops me for no good reason. He has changed my life in many different ways, good and bad. And through 6 months i fell dependent on him, and i have always been an independent type. So now that he is gone i am struggling to get over it after the first night i cried at the mention of his name. On the second day i just feel if i did something better maybe he would of stayed but everything happens for a reason, and is still love him. he said he still lovess me but its hard to get over him. he says if its meant to be then its meant to be, but i want him to come back so bad that it breaks my heart thinkin about him i can't stop. its like i am scared to move on with my life. CAn any body help me?! please

Love is all about our Attitude....The longer i live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude,to,is more important than facts. It is more than the past,than education,than money,than circumstances,than failures,thansuccesses,than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance,giftness, or skill. It will Makr or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we all have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... We can not change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have. and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90 % how I react to it.And so it is with you .... We are in charge of our attitudes.

My ex and I broke up about a year ago. Ever since the break up, I can't avoid not thinking about him. We broke up because he felt we needed to meet other people and like almost every guy out there, he thought that if we were meant to be together then destiny will take care of that. At the time, his reasoning seemed logical to me. We were both 19 years old and we had a whole life ahead of us, people to meet, work and a whole college life. However there was this discomfort in me that didn't see this as the best choice. I honestly didn't take the break up seriously. I figured we were both going to eventually get back together in a month or so. Almost a year has passed by, and I honestly feel confused and at times very sad and lonely. I miss those little things about him that made me love him so much. I've only seen him twice since the break up and occasionally we instant message one another. It's so painful and difficult to chat with him. I try to act as a friend to him, like a buddy. I don't want him to pitty me or think that I'm some kind of loser who is still hung on him. However, there are times when I feel I should express a little emotion to show him that I still care about him. It's very difficult because on the one hand, I want him to see me as an independent person who can survive after the defeat, but on the other hand I still want him to notice me as the girl who stole his heart and still posses it. Anyway, what do you guys think I should do? Should I just completely disappear from his life and let him find me?(This is sounds the most logical) Should I still linger and wait and see what happens?(What I'll probably do unless someone makes me see how wrong and detrimental this might be for my life) Help.

Dana

Dont let that special someone outta your sight, keep thinkin of ways to get him back!!! if you give him space he wont remember how much he loves you and misses you. Gotta keep em' busy...thinkin bout ya

Hrm. I disagree. Love isn't how much you yearn from someone from a distance. Love is the pleasure of interacting with them. If there isn't much interaction, then it's tough to say there's much to fight for. Love isn't just a state of mind (or heart), it's also a verb. And if you two aren't acting with love towards each other, then there isn't much reason to keep investing your energy into that person. Focus on interacting with new people, and maybe you'll stumble into something really great.

people say that guys suffer from breakup more that girls do.But I dont beleive that.Even though I make myself busy,I still always think about him,doing something.How can get over him.HELP!!!!!

Dana:
I can understand your feeling.I and my boyfriend are still seeing each other but we deceided to break up soon.I have been so sad since we diceide that and when I see him,I can tell he is moving on already.I think I should stop seeing him but I really cant stop seeing him.Because I still love him and spend more time together.But when I see him,I can tell that he doesnt think about me so much as he used to and he thinks about something else ,not me.And when I wake up in the morning,I start waiting for him to call me and e mail me but he doesnt do that anymore.We used to call each other even when we dodnt have anything to say or send sweet messages.I know that it makes worse by seeing eah other.But I am not ready yet to really break up.Dana,I think you should not keep contact with him.That is what I tell myself too.I know it is difficult and maybe it will make you feel more sad but I also think it is the best way to move on.

Dana and Miki:
Miki i disagree, i first i thought you don't need to see him, but then you should keep in contct and see him. But don't be pushy just let him know you think about him and still be friends. Cause in the end they say you marry your best friend?! So give it a chance but don't get your hopes up...just think FRIENDS then if fate is meant to be youll end up together and if not you still have a great friend to lean on and help you no matter what. But GooD LucK with both relationships.... i know that if me and my ex don't get back together i have a really great friend...no matter what.

Thank you all for your good intended advice. Part of me wants to stay in touch with him, however, I ask myself what for if there are no romantic interactions between us? It's funny, ever since we broke up, I've been telling myself to exercise in order to look beautiful, to study hard in order to be intelligent, to go out in order to be cultured and popular, but these things I'm doing for him. My problem, I think, is that I'm not paying any attention to myself. I've let this thing control me instead of me controling it. I need and have to do these things for myself, for my pleasure, yet the only thing that keeps me going is the idea that I might reunite with him again. I've lost focus of my other goals, and I don't want to continue with this depresing cloud hanging over me anymore. If my words have any meaning to anyone out there who is heartbroken and in need for sincere advice, take this: Focus on what you want and need to do in life for yourself. Love yourself first above anyone else and then heal your heart by seeing how beautiful and unique you are and believe that in the most unexpected moment of your life, that especial person will see how truly amazing you are and won't let you go.
Dana

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with the whole idea of staying friends with a boyfriend after you break up to an extent. I think that if the feeling between you both and the idea of breaking up is what you really want then go ahead and be friends but, if only one of you wants the break up to occur and insists on it then I believe it is alot harder to stay friends! Because when my boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me we said we were going to try and be friends but that did not work out at all because he was saying stuff to me that friends don't say to eachother such as calling me a slut and constantly swearing at me and his new girlfriend was repeatedly making threats to me so we just had to cut off all communication from eachother what so ever because I was still having trouble dealing with the break up and when I heard from him it just made it harder for me to deal with the break up. My ex and I haven't talked to eachother for a couple weeks now and I'm feeling much better and I think that I have made the right choice, so I guess it just depends on the person you are and the person you were dating.

Just recently got out of a 2 year relationship with my girl. I love her with all my heart and i just cant get over her. She went out and got another boyfriend even before we really broke up....its killing me. The guy isnt better looking than me....and i know he dosent care about her half as much as i do. It hurts me so bad. She keeps on giving me hope, flirting with me, just all in all making me suffer. She says she needs me to be there for her as a friend...but it's just so hard. i wanted to get a girls opinion on this. Thanks for your time

Tom

Tom:
I am sorry but I am going tell you something really cruel but just listen.She just wants to keep you just in case the relationship between her and her boyfriend doesnt work out.I did exactly the same thing to one of my ex boyfriends.(his name is John)I have gone out with him for almost 2 years and suddenly I felt like I really should see other guys.Then I met someone else and got to see him.Then I decided to break up with John and I left him,but I was also scared of losing him because we were together for a long time and I couldnt imagine he would dissapear in my life.And I also thought about that I could go back to him when the new relationship might not work out.Thats why I kept calling him almost every day so that he wouldnt forget about me.Actually the new relationship was really horrible and we broke up,and I went back to him.But it didnt work out between John and me either.Because my feelings for him wasnt the same as before.I know how painful it is for you but just focus on yourself and make yourself busy.And my advice is "DONT ANSWER THE PHONE FROM HER!"
I got out of 2 years relationship recently too.I really loved him so this is the hell now.But you and I have to move on.I know this is difficult.
Maybe you will see somoene else somewhere tomorrow.Lets just look forward to the day our sadness gone.

Thank you very much for your advice, it helps so much to know that there are other people going through the same things that i am. i wish you the best of luck in finding happiness, hopefully we'll both find our happy ending soon!

Tom

Thank you very much for your advice, it helps so much to know that there are other people going through the same things that i am. i wish you the best of luck in finding happiness, hopefully we'll both find our happy ending soon!

Tom

Get on Lavalife and move on! I was the girl in the four year relationship and we were engaged for almost a year and then we broke up. More my choice but when it was finalized (when he actually moved out) it was so damn difficult, I cried morning, noon and night. I called like a fool and after that week, it's been three now, I couldn't waste another moment of my energy on someone who just isn't right for me. I suppose why we are hurting the way we are is because we invested so much time and energy. Think about it, someone you just meet, maybe you see him for a week or so and it's so easy to leave him. Just remember that it may not be the actually person but the time and energy spent with that person that's so hurtful. Focus your energy on other things. Like yourself. I just joined a gym and I'm meeting about three people a week, they may not be the one for me but they keep me busy by going out for dinner, getting to know someone which makes me get to know what I really want and what I don't want. If you are super sad, make a specific time of the day to cry and write in your journal about it. When the time is up...no more tears. Continue with your day and face tomorrow. Don't call your ex as much as you'd like. NO ONE likes a stalker. Make them miss you for once. Make them wonder what you're up to. You are strong, beautiful, independant and a kind person. Show someone else that side of you and when your ex sees it and wants a piece guaranteed you would have moved on by then and if not and you still want to be with your ex then great! But do things for yourself, live for yourself.

Rina
xxx

First off, let me say that after reading Tom's message, I feel like a complete creep. Last month I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. We're both only 17. During those 3 1/2 years we became the best of friends. We knew everything about each other and spent practically everyday together. However, as the years went on, I started to realize how bored I was getting with him. He was always at my house.. whether it was watching TV or napping, or playing cards with my younger brother. My family adored him, which made it even harder to break up with him. See, I feel that since I'm 17 and going to be a Senior this year, that I should get out and party more and make more friends. I have few friends in the tiny town I live in, but they all have boyfriends that they're more committed to than I ever was with my ex.
The creep part comes in now. I met a guy this summer that I really really liked.. or thought i did. I gave him my # which was totally out of my character, and he started text messaging me WHILE i was breaking up with my ex that night. My ex took it pretty hard... I don't think he really knew what was happening. It's not as if breaking up with him was a spur of the moment thing though. I'd been thinking about it for at least a couple of months and this seemed like the right opportunity to do it. So, I went on a date with this new guy, had a WONDERFUL time but now he won't do anything with me again. The date was great.. we went to a movie and had a nice time. But now I realize that he's obviously a jerk. It's been almost a month since our date and he still won't do anything. Last week he was gone in New York for a vaca w/friends, so I finally got to talk to him again just on Wednesday. Last night a friend and I offered to come to his place which is a 35 min. drive, and hang out, but he doesn't want to do anything with me and whenever I text him, he's very short. I hate myself for being such a creep to my ex, and now I hate myself for falling for another guy so soon. I'm bored out of my mind. My friends can never do anything b/c they're always busy w/their bf's or working, and I feel completely lost! I have to literally beg my friends to do stuff with me. I know it was really cruel of me to do what I did to my ex, but I have no idea where to go from here. Keeping myself busy isn't working and all I can do is sit and think about this other guy! What can i do?!

ya lauren, i hear where your comin from. Its not your fault that you fell for another guy, or at least thought you did ;) seems like we all want to go out and check the playing field at times. However, in my opinion, if you have someone who really does care about you, like your ex seems to (and like i care about my ex) you should definately talk the situation out with him. And its always said that the best friends make the best lovers, as long as you guys stay good friends, its a possibility that the sparks could fly between you 2 again! keep your hopes up, always use both your heart & brain to make your decisions:) Good luck!!

Tom

I just broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years and I am feeling like crap. He was a very abusive and controlling person but for some f'ed up reason I still miss him. He calls me and verbally abuses me because he says I threw the relationship away and if I really loved him I would move back in and try to make it work but I really had no other choice. I had to do it for my safety. I guess I am just feeling that I am scared to be alone and maybe I won't find anyone else. My family and friends think I am crazy that I made the right decision but sometimes I wonder if I did.

Miki is here again.
Do you all feel any better?
Is it only me that hate morning comes after a break-up? I have been always thinking about my ex and our relationship since we broke up last week,but I feel a little bit better at noon and feel lonely at night everyday.But when I wake up,I feel so sad and feel like I am the saddest person on the planet.I go wash my face and look at myself in the mirror and think "oh my god,this is a hell." I hate this feeling.Is that only me that feel like this?Last night I had a dream about him and woke up with tears. I am such a mess.It is too late but I have been regretting that there were times I treated him bad or I was cold to him. Because I think if I hadnt treated him like that,we would still be together...That is not the reason we broke up but I still think like that.
I am so scared of morning coming now.I dont wanna wake up if I can...then I dont have to feel so lonely.

Let me warn all of the young people. I recently (about a month ago) broke up with my boyfriend of almost six years. DO NOT waste time with someone who you know is not right for you. After three years we began breaking up and getting back together. I think we both knew we were not meant to be but we loved each other alot and had re-built our lives around each other. If I knew then what I know now it would have ended then. Now I am almost thirty years old and feel I wasted some of the best years of my youth.

This is especially for MIKI:
I know the pain you go through. I was there just a couple of weeks ago and only recently when I wake up I may shed one tear. The nights were super lonely, I would stay out as long as I could so I could make sure I would just pass out without crying myself to sleep. Then at work I would be upset too. Think about how you are letting this person rule your feelings, control your life, even ruin it.

Now I didn't read anything else but your last entry so I don't know how long you've been going like this but you will only turn yourself into a wreck. No one wants to date a wreck. You make sure you get up in the mornings and make yourself look pretty, make sure you write in that journal everyday single day even if you only have one line to write, you make sure you eat and exercise and take care of your body. If you think you're alone now, imagine how lonely you'll be in 5 years if you keep this up.

Life is worth living. Are you telling me that you lived your life for someone else? That is pathetic. Live for yourself, get up in the morning and get ready because you WANT to, because YOU WANT to look good, because you have much to live for. I know that sometimes when our pillar of love crumbles, the rest of our pillars (like the family pillar, work pillar, social pillar) don't look so good anymore. A relationship is only one out of at least 5 pillars in your life. It's NOT your whole life and if you think it is then you should re-evaluate yourself. Do what it takes...counselling, calling an 800 number. You can do this. You can make it and read the entry before mine, it's true. For anyone young or old, do not waste your time. I got out of a 4 year and we were engaged as well, looking back, hind sight is 20/20 and yes I regret treating him like shit too but it's a two way street and don't ever blame yourself for something that just wasn't meant to be.

It's been a month now and I've seen him twice and talked to him over the phone a bit but it's over and I have to accept it and move on. Looking back I only wish I left sooner. So how did I get here? I kept busy, no matter what...I never stayed at home, I got pretty and surrounded myself with friends, they slept over if I needed them to so I wasn't alone. I had a couple dates a week, nothing serious, just to pass some time and feel a little special, but don't get me wrong on that, do not depend on another man to make you happy. I joined a gym, I have wine parties at my house, I started doing the things I couldn't do because I was so damn depressed and I do them now because I WANT to...I want to for ME. Please be strong for yourself and your family and friends. I'll be honest with you, you may drive them away if you continue to take the ride on this downward spiral.

Rina

Rina:

Thank you for your advice.You are such a strong woman.I wanna be strong like you.

I have read every heartbreaking entry, to find or feel a way to get over this heavy,unsettling feeling in my chest. I was with him for 2yrs,3mnths, and I up and moved out on him. it's only been 3 weeks, and I am wondering if it would be easier to just take him back, instead of all of this damn crying and confusing thoughts. He didn't treat me bad, he just stayed jobless too damn long.and he was always crowding my personal space,but nonetheless I miss him dearly. I am 30 and feeling like a teenager in crisis. so confused.

Mishel:

I know how confusing it can be,I am going through the same thing.I got out of 2years relationship 2 weeks ago.Maybe we can understand each other...it sounds like we had different reasons for break-up though. Well,I think it is natural and ok that you are feeling like a teenager. Look at me,I have been so silly around my ex recently(we broke up but we still meet each other) to make him sad and mad.I dont know why I have been like this. But part of me wants him to be hurt as deeply as I am and to be sad like me...maybe thats why ...Because he broke up with me and I didnt wanna. But I have been making myself sadder and hurt more by being mean to him. I am so stupid and so childish.
I hope we both can get over soon...

I've read everyones stories and its painful. My boyfriend of four and a half years just broke up with me last week. He told me he wasn't in love with me anymore. Its so hard. We live together. I moved to be with him. My whole life was him. I knew that things were rocky but I didn't think this. I thought that we would just work through it like everything else. We grew together as a couple. We are best friends. We had a fight over a year ago when he said he would never marry me. He told me when we were breaking up that its been in the back of his mind since then. Things were really bad for a while and he gave me an ultimatum. He said if things didn't change we would have to go our separate ways. I got into therapy to save our relationship and to help me. He said he saw a light at the end of the tunnel but then I lost my sex drive. That put a huge strain on our relationship. THats why he slowly fell out of love with me. I feel lost. He was my lifeline. Everything I know and did was him. We had a good relationship, his ego is hurt. He is a great guy and thats why its so hard. He has been there for me and I know that I hurt him. I asked him if he thought that maybe we just need some time apart and get back together but he said no, he can't see us together again, not as my boyfriend. We took a break when we were together for a year and that killed. It only lasted for 2 weeks and we got back together. I moved from college to be with him, and here we are. He made everything better. we had fun. Some things were bad, but we got through it. He told me that he can't forget about the fights we had. He can't get over them. Some people have said that sometimes people need to step away from relationships and then they get back together. no one knows, but I can't see it happening. He can't do it twice. He's not that type of person. I keep having really bad anxiety and feel like I'll never get over him. My whole life was him. I'm scared to death to live by myself and be alone. Will I ever get this?

I just broke up with my girlfriend last week and its been so hard. We've been together for 3 years. The reason I broke up with her is because she likes another person and she told me that she wanted to see how things go with him. I wanted to support her and give her the space that she needs so thats why i ended things. She tells me that she needs me and loves me. But i am thinking that if things dont work out with the person she likes, she will run back to me. It's been a hard week and i dont really know how to get through the summer. I cant eat and sleep at times. If anyone can suggest anything, please do because I need to get over her

Kel:

I know how hard it is to try and deal with the fear of being alone and having no one to share that special feeling with but you have to really open your eyes and take a good look at what was really happening between you and him during the relationship. Like think about what was wanted from your side and from his side did you both want the same things? For example Marriage he said he would never marry you, but did you feel that he was the one you wanted to marry? and if you did want to marry him but he didn't want to marry you than it was basically never meant to last forever because both people need to want that seriousness in the relationship without that it would have never worked and your married life would just be a mistake. It will take a while to get over but once you get over him you'll realize that maybe it was a good decision to break it off, even though it hurts. But you'll get over him and be able to move on soon enough but he'll always be on your mind because you 2 shared something special and always will.

Miki:

How are you doing?

Rina:

Hi,thank you for worring about me. I have been trying to think about something else but him since you gave me advice. I think I am doing better than last week,but still I sometimes feel so lonely in the morning....it is getting better though. However he still keeps calling me or sending me e-mails. Maybe I should tell him not to do them for myself to feel much better. What do you think? Do you still talk to your ex?

Miki

My boyfriend broke up with last friday(so it has been a full week), I moved to Norcal to live him last Oct. I gave up so much to pack and move my life and son. We had been together for two years and I have to start all over again and move back 300 miles from where I came from. I have never loved someone so much. I found on his email that he was going to lunch with some girl while he was across country and he lied to me about it. I may have overreacted at the time but, he broke up with me. I have to still live with him for another month till I can save up enough money to move. How do u cope with this? How come I know its over and eventhough I dont want to believe it, it feels impossible to ever recover from? He wont help me move either. Its really sad that my son of 4years old screamed and cried and said he didnt want to move, that is definetly heart breaking. If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it.

Miki:

Get a 'Head Coach' if you can afford one. Someone who is certified to help you. I don't talk to my ex anymore and I think it's best to cut all ties. It's almost like when they call or email and we give in and answer/reply, they have the control (what does he say in his emails? If you don't want to share it with everybody you can click on my name and email me). Remember, get control over your life. Don't let anyone else get the satisfaction of treating you nothing less than what you deserve. You shouldn't ALLOW anyone to treat you less than what you deserve. Remember to eat, exercise, laugh, spend time with family and friends. I still shed a few tears here and there over my ex, but it's been only a month and already I feel a difference. I look better, I have a wonderful social life, I've been on fabulous dates, my house is clean when I have guests over...so overall I'm doing well but emotionally there is still pain. The mornings are easier for me and so are the nights. I never thought I would get passed it but what helps me is thinking about the positive things in my life, or what my goals are for the next day. In the mornings, I would wake up and sit in my favorite chair looking out of my balcony, get a box of kleenex, my journal, favorite pen and give myself that 15 minutes to cry and write about it and then that was all I was allotted so I would start my day. Make specific times to cry and think about it. Eventually you will cut down that time or you may not even remember to do it. I truly hope this helps and I say these things because they've helped me. But you can get all the advice in the world, even from the best counselors or therapists but only you can help yourself. You have ONE life to live; how do you want to live it and who do you want to live it for?

xoxo

Jessica:

Here's the problem: people give up so much to be with someone. Why? Stay strong for your son and show him that everything will be okay. Cry in front of him and be strong and let him know it will be okay. Children learn about relationships through parents so make sure you teach him the ropes. I have an 8 year old and I have to close the door sometimes so he doesn't see my pain. If he is a cheater, liar, jerk, whatever, why would you want to be with someone like that anyway? Good for you for moving out. You don't need his help to move. You can do it. Get all your resources together and just do it! You are a woman! A beautiful, intelligent, strong, successful, working mother of a beautiful boy. You are blessed. You do whatever you feel you need to do to get over this so long as you aren't abusing your body or others. You are not alone.

I thought he was going to be "the guy". We dated for almost three years, most of that time we spent in a long distance relationship, which had it's problems, but didn't slow us down despite it all. Four months ago we broke up. Reasons I couldn't honestly put my finger on. Right after the split I left the country to study abroad for the summer. I have just gotten back home, and all I can think about is how much I want him back. I have seen him several times since I have returned, and every time we end up kissing and holding hands. I want to get back together, and I have talked to him about it, but he quietly disagrees. He doesn't want to spend another year appart when he leaves for a different city again. I tell him that we can work it out and he still shrugs and turns me down. How can two people who have so much fun when they are together not see eye to eye about dating again. He wants to be "friends", while the idea of seeing him merely as a friend makes me want cry. How do I get over one of the most important and wonderful people in my life now that we aren't together? How do you work something out in your head that you have a hard time making sense of? Suggestions?

Holly:

I understand how you are feeling and how it is painful to you. I am getting through the same thing.I thought my ex and I were meant to be,but we weren't. We broke up but we still meet each other,which hurts me so bad.Because we also end up kissing or holding hands and stuff. HE finished with me but he says he still loves me and still wants to hug me or kiss me.I am so confused.I dont know how to deal with it.So I just decided not to see him anymore because it would be easier for me. I am not saying that you should stop seeing him or anything like that because I know it would be difficult not to see him because you guys loved each other so much once and you even thought he was going to be the guy.You cant act or think like nothing had happened between you and your ex,I understand that too.But I just decided not to talk to him or meet him anymore until I can think of him as a friend because I wanna move on,wanna be strong and wanna get over him and get my own life again. I hope you will deal with this soon.

Miki & Holly:
I am going through the exact same thing thing right now. My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago...it was supposed to be a break at the beginning, but he decided it was best we werent together because he went away to university and we fought too much and it stressed him out. I was with him for almost three years, and now that we arent together he still wants us to be so close. A month after our "break" I found out he kissed another girl and lied to me about it. He says that us breaking up has nothing to do with him wanting to see other people, because he doesnt want to. We end up holding hands and being affectionate everytime we see eachother, and this doesnt help me because I still want to be with him, but he doesnt want to be in a relationship. And I think that us spending time together is making things worse because he is leaving to go away to school in 3 weeks, and Im going to be crushed because even though he says he doesnt want to be with other girls, I have a feeling that anything can happen. But I cant stop talking to him, it hurts too much..I keep thinking that it can work if we are just friends..but I feel like I am lying to myself, because we dont act like friends, we act like we are together! Now I dont know what to do...I cant cut him out of my life suddenly...because I feel so alone if we dont talk, like Ive not only lost a boyfriend, but a best friend too. And when we were together I didnt stay close to my other friends, so now I cant turn to them. Help! Any advice?

I hear ya sis. Sad to say this, but guys don't know what they want at times. I wrote my experience a couple of weeks ago. People suggested I cut any kind of connection with him, others believed in staying in touch with him. Love hurts, and all I can really say is that telling someone, a friend or someone close how you feel really does help. You obviously feel very strongly for him, but he may be unaware of this. He is probably confused, undecided of what he has to do in his life. College is something very important, and chances are, especially in guys, he may feel the pressure to meet other people. Guys' friends tend to be very influential when it comes to these things, trust me, so give him time and make yourself hard to get. Let him look for you, make yourself more interesting, and show him that you've changed too, but don't give him the idea that you forgot about him. Use your skills, girl.

Dana

I met this guy over a year ago and when I met him I didnt think that we'd still be talking over the phone a year later and when I saw him again in mid July I fell harder for him. This guy lives in Minnesotta though and I live in New York and I really think that I'm in love with him and I already know that he likes me because when he was here I told him that I liked him alot and wouldn't mind dating him and he said that he liked me alot too but we didn't know whether we should date or not because we both live so far away and I mean this guy is so sweet to me and is better to me than any guy I have ever met. He was there for me when and I was having problems and everytime my boyfriend and I had a fight he would cheer me up and give me advice and when we broke up he said that I could do better and that it was his loss not mine. I am starting my senior year in high school and he's starting his first year in college and I was thinking about moving out there when I graduate to be near him so he gave me a name of a college to look into nearby him and we both have the same aspirations and have good heads on our shoulders. I'm wondering if I should tell him how strong my feelings are for him and if I should tell him that I'm in love with him? I mean I'm only 16 but I feel so differently about him I know this sounds crazy but I feel like he's the right guy and I have never felt this way before about anyone else ever! What should I do? What should I say to him? because I feel like if I don't tell him I'm in love with him that he's not going to realize that I would love to spend the rest of my life with him and it would hurt me to see him with someone else.

It was me that had the post on Aug.11, I accidentally posted without typing my name.

But to Dana,

Thanks for the encouragement..you're very right, his friends have influenced him..A LOT. He went from living with his mom and sis, to now living with 5 other guys at school, so it completely changed him. Sometimes I wonder how you can think you possibly know someone so well, and then in a second everything changes. The worst part is, he claims this isnt about wanting to see other people, and that if this was a couple of years from now then he would want to marry me, but I know when he goes away to school, he is going to be with other girls. It think thats the hardest part for me to accept..why would you be willing to let someone go who you want to marry in the future? He knows how I feel, but he says he doesnt want me to be upset, but he just doesnt want a relationship right now. I don't think I have the willpower to just stop talking to him, so that makes things worse. Any advice on that?

My boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me 3weeks ago. He said he isnt as passionate to me as he used to be and he doesnt think it isnt good for both of us to be together. But he still calls me and email me everyday. Why?? I want to get him back but he told me not to have any hope about getting back together because it will never happen. And we still meet each other and he tries to kiss me,hugg me or even more. Does he use me only for his sexually feelings? Or does it mean that he will come back to me? What do you think? I need man's oppinion and advice. I would appreciate if you give me any advice.....

sara, you probably need a cooling off period with him. I'm a guy that is past a long-term relationship with a gal, and I'm going through what he might be going through. I'm not attracted to her in that way when we're not together, but when we hang out I'm attracted to her and we have physical pull to each other. I think it's because of familiarity and comfort. We're trying to get through and we talk about it relatively openly because we want to stay friends, but it doesn't mean it's going to work. actually I'm probably more in your role than his because I wanted to get back together when she didn't. makes it hard to cut off the physical pull. Next time he gets passionate with you, ask him point blank if he's that attracted to you when you're not around.

I hope I’m not speaking out of turn or anything. Let me say to everyone here I’m really moved. I don’t get involved in other people’s relationships as a rule. I’ve been at the business end of such, er, well-intended efforts. After lurking off and on this last week, reminded of how much loneliness and alienation folks have to deal with, I wanted to show support in some way.

Whatever you’re living through, you’re not alone. It’s not just you. Someone else has gone through it at least once. Someone else is pulling for you.

I hope I’m not speaking out of turn or anything, but I couldn’t help feeling especially concerned when I saw your post, Sara. I’m not an expert or anything, just a married guy who’s seen people in good and bad relationships. You’re welcome to use or lose anything I say, as long as it helps.

The impression I’m getting about your bf, Sara, is that he might be as confused about your relationship as you are. Maybe he’s too insecure to make a clean break. To be totally honest, though, he sounds very controlling. He has access to you emotionally or sexually, and yet he still keeps you at a distance. Hardly a two-way street. It’s supposed to be a mutual, nurturing experience.

My advice—take it what you need from it, then leave the rest—is get some good people behind you. Friends, family, a support group. People you can trust. Then ask your bf to meet you in a restaurant or something, a neutral place in public. Nail down exactly where you two stand. Decide what you need for yourself. Stick to that decision. Tell him you won’t return his calls, e-mails, or anything at all unless you guys can talk.

I know it’s hard. I’ve done it. It feels like hell, but you’re the only one who can do this. Nobody else is qualified. You know your heart and soul better than anyone else. Be careful with them.

Bill and Joe:

Thank you very much for your advice. When I read your advice,I started thinking that I should stop talking or seeing him for a while. Now I dont answer his calls or emails but he just keeps calling or emailing me.What he does is killing my heart but I wanna get over him,so I just keep ignoring him. It is hard though...
Anyway, I really thank both of you for giving me advice.

Sara

My b/f and I spilt up on sunday. I am a mess

All if this is so hard, I had to go find a job and a place to live, and in doing so made it a little aeasier knowing that I will be 300 miles away in three weeks and then I can finally move on. It kills me having to live with my ex for the next couple of weeks knowing that I have right now to say or do what I am feeling for him, he ended it. He wont really give me closure that makes it really hard for me as well. All I can do is get my mind set into finding my own place with my son and moving on.

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. Work, work, momcat with new kittens, type-faster-work. Jessica, it takes guts and real fire to do what you're doing, especially for your son. It sounds like you know what your needs and responsibilities are, and that you're sticking to 'em. I'm impressed!

My b/f broke up with me after 5 years & now have found out he is seeing someone else. I don't understand how you can talk with someone everyday & now wants nothing to do with you.

Joe,

Well thank you. This is probably the one the hardest things Ive ever had to do. I know that my little boy WILL be the only one that always will love me, need me and he depends on me more than anyone else ever will. Ive just realized that eventhough we may find someone we love and feel like we cant ever live without, we can it just takes for all of us who have been hurt.

i can't get over my ex.We broke up march 16 04 and i broke up with him beacuse he was likeing another girl from his art class... he acted like he was hurt but i dunno if he was, hes over it now and over the summer he asked m eout again because he said he really stil liked me and i said no!! i dont know what i was thinking...and know im falling head over heals for him, but hes doing a great job of playing hard to get ...when hes around other girls it makes me so mad like hes still with me....but i don tknow if i still want him or if i wanna get over him??

Jessica, I definitely know what you mean about it being the hardest thing ever. It's like going through this whole grieving process or something. Shock, denial, pain, anger, acceptance. Everyone on the thread here can relate to that, I imagine.

I havent answer the calls or emails from my ex for about 2 weeks but I cant do this anymore. I wanna answer and hear his voice. What should I do? Even if I dont answer, I still think about him everyday. What if I answer? Maybe I feel a lot better. I dont know. I wanna hear his voice,see him, be right beside him. Any advice?

Sara, I'd suggest talking to some friends about this. Having a support system of people who'll listen, give you a reality check or encouragement when you need it can be a real help. Why do you feel compelled to be with him? Is he more likely to hear you out now?

I am in a bind. I broke up with my boyfriend about 2 months ago and I'm with someone else right now. I don't love the person I'm with and find myself thinking of my ex from time to time. I know that he is NOT the one for me and have relized this after breaking up, from the way he's treated me and directly before breaking up, because he took someone else out. He went out on a date with a stripper, one night, because I couldn't go out with him that particular night. I had to let him go because I'm the type that won't take certain things. Even if it's pride but this was understandable and the smart thing to do in order to keep from getting run over. Only thing is, after I left him alone, I found myself stuck on him and wishing he was back, even though he'd done what he did. He seemed to be moving on with no problem and it irritated me. We went through alot of drama and today, we totally don't like eachother. He's done alot of horrible things to me, emotionally. What I don't understand is how can I still (in a small space deep in my heart) have love for this man........considering all that's happened and all he's done?

(Just an article I found)

Breaking up's hard on men, too

By MEL RISDON, Calgary Sun

When a romantic relationship breaks up, many women feel like they've just breathed their last breath.

There's no sense showering, eating or brushing our hair for that matter. We'll spend countless, sleepless hours crying our eyes out with anyone who'll listen, all while polishing off as much chocolate ice cream as humanly possible.

Making it worse is the common belief that on the other side, the guys -- those newly single, newly freed guys -- are relishing every minute of the single life.

Myth? Maybe. But many women believe men don't suffer from the gut-wrenching pain of a broken heart the way we do.

"That's not at all the way it's been for me," said 49-year-old "Gary."

"Breaking up is a devastating experience for most guys."

However, the out-of-town radio talk show host believes that guys are just better at concealing their pain.

His greatest heartbreak happened when his wife left him a farewell note on the dining-room table, ending a nine-year relationship.

"It took me nearly two years to really recover," Gary admitted.

"I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. This woman was my whole life."

So, how did Gary deal with it?

"I had a few good friends to talk to, men and women. They'd drag me out when I couldn't even find the will to do anything.

"And somehow I made it through it all without drinking."

"Tim," a 27-year-old land agent, said his breakup changed his personality. He began looking for the kind of girl who would fool around but didn't want a commitment.

"I just didn't want to put myself out there again," he said. "I became the tough guy. I didn't show any emotion to anyone."

These stories are typical for heartbroken men, says Calgary chartered psychologist Dr. Sheila O'Byrne: "One could say that guys may suffer even more because they don't have the outlets that women have.

"It's their emotional and psychological conditioning. Boys don't cry."

O'Byrne says society is beginning to allow men to show their emotions. It's a philosophy preached in many new self-help books, including the best-selling Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood by William Pollack (Henry Holt and Co.)

Tim, though, did it the old way: Poring himself into his job, playing sports four nights a week, spending a lot of time alone.

But not without regret. "I wish I had the guts to show everyone in my world exactly what I think and feel all the time."

Wow,
That is an interesting article. My ex has been so cold to me that I actually thanked him for teaching me who "He" really is and making my move in two days alot easier to deal with. I wish he would express his feelings but all he tells me is that is doesnt matter, none of my business and it's over. Your typical answer from a guy who wont let himself open up.

heyy i need some1s help on this. ok, i went out wit this guy 4 6 months. he waz muh 1st. the reason we broke up waz becuz he hit me, or we wud still b 2gether. ive had alot of other BFs but i dont seem 2 b sexually attrached 2 them, or dont seem 2 have that special fling wit them like i did him. i cant seem 2 get over him. he has a GF now which kinda sux. muh mom says me n him will never get baq 2gether. that much i noe. i mean, i wudnt want 2 get baq 2gether wit him (cuz he hit me) but then at the same time i do. its rly confusing. neway, i rly want 2 get over him. we used 2 talk on da fone, but we stopped now i only c him in skool and i dont even say hi nemore. i juss act like he dosent exsist. the thing iz iz that it hurts noeing that he told me he loved me and he did wut he did. and it also bothers me cuz he has another GF and they seem 2 b going good. he told me be4 that he still loves me n stuff. and he even wanted 2 cheat on his GF wit me. but i dunno. we dont talk nemore at all. but like, i dunno. i juss kinda want him baq. i dont rly want 2 b in another relationship cept wit him, cuz i cant seem 2 find ne1 else cuz im so fixed on him. he waz da best 2 me. he treated me like a queen but he hit me, and thats the only thing that bothers me. i rly rly want 2 get over him. but nothing seems 2 help. i wud tell some1, but i dont want them 2 think im needy (since most of muh friendz r guyz) and the grlz i noe noe muh BF now. i wud tell him, but that wud b messed up. if u have ne ideas on how 2 help me get over him. PLZ tell me. im desperate. thx

I have been reading all the posts. My boyfriend broke up with me about 5 days ago and I still wake up in the mornings feeling like the world has ended. Sometimes, I wake up at night, with a heavy pain in my chest. Maybe everyone has felt this at one point in time.

We have been going out for a year and a half. I gave him everything I had because I sensed that he needed love in his life. He is not an affectionate person.
He doesn't want to commit to anything because he is not sure what he will be doing even a few months from now. But he is a good person and he never cheated on me.
He broke up with me a couple of times before but he always came back after a day, saying he missed me and he couldn't live without me.
Not anymore I guess, he doesn't want to stay with me anymore.
He says he loves me and cares for me but he just doesn't want to be in a relationship. He wants to be friends with me and hang out with me.

I was unhappy with the relationship, he just doesn't seem to be interested in me much anymore though he does care about me. Our relationship had grown into a more serious stage where we tell each other about our days and watch TV togther and he says he just isn't ready to be in that stage.

I am having trouble letting go of the relationship. I love him so much. I am all alone in this country so I have grown pretty dependent on him for all my emotional needs even though it is a really bad idea, I know.

Will he come back to me one day? This is my one burning question. (foolish as it is) Should I stay friends with him? He does care about me - asking mutual friends to check on me to make sure I'm ok.
And we have grown into really good friends.

We are in our mid twenties.

I really really miss him. Its a constant pain.
Any advice anyone has would be really appreciated.

I’m not exactly Dear Abby or Doctor Drew, but I’ve been meaning to weigh in here for a while. Sorry for the delay. Whew, the last week or so have been hectic.

Rebecca, I might have it wrong, but from what I read, it sounds like you and your ex-bf had a fairly unhealthy relationship. Violence is a major warning sign, no matter what. It also sounds like you’re obsessed with him. When you’re in love, you think about that other person a lot, If you can find a counselor at school you can talk to, try it for a while. A good counselor will hear you out, won’t judge you, and respect your wishes.

Cynthia...man, I can really sympathize. I’m not sure what’s going on with your ex, but it’s pretty obvious that right now he can’t handle a more involving relationship. You’ve probably already done this, but you might ask your mutual friends whether it’d be a good idea to talk it over with him. In the meantime, build a good support group around yourself. A network of friends you can trust is like a lifeline, especially when you’re confused. You also said you felt "alone in this country." Do you mean the US? Where are you from?

hey, it's me again. cynthia, i totally understand where u r coming from. u are so not alone. i was in a relationship where i was so in love to the point i let my guard down and let go with this man. i let him do things to me, no other man had ever and i did things for him i could never imagine myself doing (in the past). i did it all in the name of love. i loved him so much that i would do anything. this is part of why i'm so hung on him because he was my first in alot of sexual experiences. i still miss him from time to time, but slowly i'm getting over it. I don't hurt as bad as i did on day 1 or 2.......... it's a gradual healing process. time heals..........trust me.

I and my boyfriend of 2 and half years broke up 2 month ago. I just found out he was with someone else and thats the real reason he broke up with me. But he didnt tell me the truth when we broke up. I really wanted to get him back and I still loved him so much,so I let him see me and let him have sex with me even after the break up. But what was thinking about when he was having sex with me? Was he thinking about that girl? I feel so stupid and so sad. Because I am the only one who didnt know the truth until 2 days ago.All our mutral friends know that,and actually they told him not to tell me the truth. I dont know anymore who I can trust. I am so betraid. I am so angry and so sad. What should I do with my feeling, I cant control myself.

thanks everyone for the advice....
you are so right...it doesn't hurt as bad anymore...but i still think about him and we talk alittle. I think its better not to keep in touch though because he might start treating you like a buddy and start telling you which girls he's been going out with.

Time heals but I think its going to take awhile to get over this one. I just want to grow stronger and not depend on any man or any one again. Even though I am alone, I'm finding it ok to cope. I hope everyone, in the same shoes, will find it easier to walk on his/her own feet too after the whole experience. Let's all hope for the best...

Dana here again. Oh guys, I'm just really confused right now. I saw my ex-boyfriend after our one-year break-up and I felt strange. I mean, we were meeting under friendly circumstances but we went to the movies and feelings started to resurface again. He slightly touched my leg and I couldn't do anything. I had missed all those physical moments we had with each other and inevitably he asked me to kiss him which I did. Afterwards we went to eat and we talked about where we stood now. He told me he wasn't sure about being in a relationship right now with me, but that he still felt very much "attached" to me. I told him that I understood and that I also felt the same about him still. I mean, we're both young (20 yrs.) so I understand the need to explore other relationships, but my question is: how many relationships does it take for anyone to know who's the one for you? How do I know if he is the one? And if he is the one, isn't too good to be true because he was my first boyfriend? I don't know. How do we define what we are, because we clearly have feelings for each other but he won't commit. Is commitment the problem? Is there such a thing as "friends with priviledges"? If so, does that ever work, or can it actually damage the whole thing between us. Oy, I need new advice. How do I approach this?

I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year because he was cheating on me for one of my cousins and my friends!One of my best friends is now going with him and I just found out yesterday and thats yhe main reason why I left him.Now the best thing that could happen to me is if I died if you can help me please do.PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Pi Diddy:

Hi,I am Kim. I know you feel so betrayed and you are so sad.Because I broke up with my ex for exactly the same reason. He was cheating on me. But just think about this: Do you want to be with the guy who always or sometimes cheats on you? Of course not. You want to be treated in the right way,right? I also know how painful and how hard it is to move on after you dated someone for 1 year or more than that.But you have to move on with your life,and I am sure you know that,and I guess thats why you finished with him. You will meet someone who will treat you right.Lets just wait for the day you will meet your right one.....

So many sad stories.

There is life after a breakup. I was married for 20 years to the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

I tried everything under the sun to keep our marriage alive but in the end he said he really didn't want to be married anymore. So I moved on and started over. He did ask me back...twice...but at that point I knew I'd be happier and healthier without him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and in retrospect, I should have done it ages ago.

Good luck!

dear dana,
I have read all your posts and I really feel for you. I honestly do. And you know what, I really don't know what is right for you.
If I were in the same shoes, I would ask myself if things have really changed from one year ago and if he really does miss me. Also, would I be happier in this relationship than I was one year ago. If the answer is no, I would just give it a rest and see if it gets better after a few more months. If not, I would just move on.
I'm the last one to be giving advice but its just how I feel.

Good luck!

I really appreciate the advice Cynthia. You know, I want to think that this is going to be better, and that maybe things just happen for a reason. Destiny. What a concept. You know, I'd like to think that I'm in control of my life, but when it comes to these things about finding the right person, that especial someone who just makes you feel right, in sync with yourself, that's when I want to believe that we're just meant to be.

Dana

Dana,

I hope things are working out for you.
I went through a break up about 4 weeks ago and in the space of a week, my perceptive has changed. To answer your question, I dont think its good to be a "friend with priveleges". Especially if you feel more for the other person than he does for you. It usually happens with girls.

I tried to be friends with my ex. But just the fact that we were just friends made it hard and I had to endure him flirting with other girls. In the end, I felt so much worse that I felt before seeing him. Don't put yourself in that situation....

Also, commitment is an issue. But since you are still young, you can still discover yourself and other people around you. Believe that if you are meant to be, you will get back together.

Make sure that he has changed and that he is willing to commit to you before getting intimate with him....

Good luck.

My boyfriend just dumped me for sum reason that isnt true i love him alot and i no he likes this other gurl and i dont even want to date ever again unless its him asking me out cuz i need him in my life..becuz well im a lil but suicidal and he doesent understand how i feel about him.

Hi, it's stephanie again. since the last time i wrote, my boyfriend and i have sorta gotten back together but he still sees the stripper he was messing with. he sees the both of us and i allow it ( not in words ) but i let him have me, knowing he is with her too. i do this partly because the sex is the best ever, but mostly because my heart still belongs to him and i love him to the point of doing whatever he wants. is this acting on true love or stupidity on my part? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stephanie...well, I can't find an easier way to put this. Take this as you will: Utter stupidity. "Doing whatever he wants" sounds more like devotion to a god instead of loving a human being. Look, if you're actually okay with him sleeping with someone else, that's up to you. Grown-ups can make those decisions. But don't kid yourself. If it was true love, your heart would still belong to you. And he would respect you.

Holly, are you still out there? (Another reason for me to get mad at the election...If I'd seen your posting, I'd have said something.)

Stephanie:

Hi, are you still with him? I understand you! I broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago and we still see each other and end up having sex anytime we meet! And I still love him, I also know he is thinking about dating someone else. But I still let him have me. But dont you feel so empty or sad after sex with him? I always do. The sex with him is the best and the sex with me is the best for him too. I sometimes think what we are doing right now just may spoil our friendship. I dont know...What do you think,Stephanie?

MY STORY IS A LITTLE LONGER TO TELL BUT ME AND MY BOYFRIEND BROKE UP 5 DAYS AGO BECAUSE I FOUND OUT HE WAS CHEATING(FUCKING). I HAD FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS GIRL 3 TIMES BEFORE THIS ONE SO I SAID ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND I CHEATED ON HIM WITH HIS BESTFRIEND. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING REVENGE IS SWEET BUT AT THE SAME TIME HURTFUL. NOW I MIGHT BE PREGNANT AND HE DOES NOT EVEN CARE. HE SAID IF I AM THAT IT IS NOT HIS CHILD BECAUSE I AM A HOE. FRANQUELY I STILL LOVE HIM BUT I AM GOING TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO DESTROY THE FEELINGS THAT I HAVE FOR THIS GUY. IT IS THE BEST THING TO DO. I JUST NEED HELP TO GUIDE ME THROUGH

HEY THIS IS STEPHANIE AGAIN. HE BROKE UP WITH ME AND I WANT HIM BACK WHAT SHOUL I DO? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm starting to feel like Dr. Laura, only without as many Dark Side points. Anyway....

Alimya (cool name, btw), I don't know if destroying one's feelings is a good idea or if it's even possible. You sound wounded beyond belief and seriously pissed off. But sooner or later, you're going to leave all that stuff behind. It's better to let yourself feel it now and let it go, especially hatred. If you hold on to it, it'll be with you forever.

And is that the same Stephanie as before? Yikes. You might be better off without the guy either way. If someone uses you and walks away, that person wasn't much of a friend to begin with.

Hi Everyone! If you read above I used to visit this site often. I was totally broken hearted at the time and it's been about 5 months now and with a little therapy, great friends, phenominal support, my wonderful son and a bit of dating I have been facing the world of singles with my head held hight.

As a matter of fact, after forcing myself and then it become natural to not think about him or call him he ended up emailing me (after 4 months) a pathetic email on how he had made a mistake and thought about me everyday. Ha! In his face!!! That's all it takes. Time. Time for those selfish people to finally realize what they are missing out on. Did I email him back? Hell no. I am way too good, classy and pretty for him and I have moved on. Not with anyone else per say but just with my life, with my son and without him. I just got myself 10 glamour points and he is in the negative, not that he ever had any.

You can do it too. It's all in your mind. I swear, I thought it would take at least a year to get over this loser but keep active, eat well, take care of yourself, go shopping, go for a martini, volunteer, anything! It WILL pass. I promise and you can hold me to it. But it won't pass by itself. Life is a movie and you are the director. If you don't like it, then change it, play with it, mold it, have fun! Just look at your past relationships...when you think back to them how do you feel? Does it bother you? No, not anymore, right? So this will just add to the history and experience to make you a stronger, wiser person. Don't concentrate on the door that is closing behind you but focus on all the doors of opportunity that are opening and welcoming you in. You just have to take that step forward.

Here is a quote that I adore and that I carried around with me as a reminder:

There are some things that are nothing more than what they are. They're not meant to last, they just take their place in your heart and make you a little stronger the next time.

Hello...is anyone in there? If a person has treated you poorly, why have you allowed them to do that to you and your friends wouldn't do that so why would you even want to have any contact with them or even be friends? Who needs friends or anyone in thier lives like that? If you think you are so much better than the person that hurt you then be so much better and forget about them no matter how much 'history' you have together...key word 'history'. What's now is now. They will see how great you were and they will regret what they've done and trust me, Karma will pay them a visit.

Have the best day and I hoped my words helped you in some way.

Rina
xoxo
Alberta, Canada

Rina, you said it better than I ever could have! Classy indeed. (Glamour points...is that a White Wolf reference? Sorry, gratuitious RPG geek-out.)

joe, no that wasn't me the last time, but thanks for your advice. i'm feeling alot better these days.

kim, yeah, i understand you completely. email me and maybe we can chat about it and help eachother.

It's Stephanie......Hey, I've been making such stupid mistakes lately but everything came to a head about 3 days ago. I encountered my boyfriend's or exboyfriend's stripper friend and we had a physical altercation. It was pretty bad. I was over at his house helping him clean because he's moving (in the military) and she came over. Alot came out and we (him and I) are done for real now. I think the two of them are still going to be together because he is probably feeding her the same lies that keep me with him for so long. That's fine, though it hurts, but she can put up with the shit I have endured for over year, from now on. What hurts the most is that he lead me to believe he really loved me and Joe, you were right, true love consists of loyalty and respect - none of which was present in my relationship. (maybe in the beginning) Rina, you are so uplifting. I know I will get past this because I did before. (we broke up for about 2 months) Just as I was almost completely over him, he came back into my life. I let him and I was kinda bitter at first, but he wore away at my heart and I let him in and let myself fall again. That was my fault. 1st time, shame on you, 2nd time shame on ME, right? I feel kinda empty right now, but I know time heals. Well, all that I had for him was genuine and it's sad that the love he said was for me, was merely an illusion. A passionate illusion.................

Stephanie and whoever may be reading this,

It may have been a passionate illusion and it may have not been. But change is inevitable and don't ever think that he never loved you. I'm sure he did. Treasure the good times you had with him and be happy that you got to experience the feeling of love. Some people are less fortunate and are never able to love or be loved. Just remember, love like you've never been hurt.

I have a confession to make...I saw my ex-finace for the first time in five months. He came over with my beautiful white Christmas tree and pink decorations (I love pink) and that was our closure and I was upset and at this point I had been dating, lots. But then we ended up being civil and just last week he came over for a beverage and you know what? He's a loser. Okay, okay, he's not. He's just not for me. We talked and hung out for about an hour and it made me see even more that I am so much better without him. I try to be friends and be nice but he really hurt me and when I think of the past it pisses me off and I can finally say that I am a better person after that experience!

Here's a book to get for you beautiful, sexy, independant ladies out there:

He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo

GET IT! Funny, straight to the point and a slap in the face. Just remember, female or male, you are a beautiful entity and you will not let another treat you any less than your worst enemy would treat you. I love you guys and wish you a Merry Christmas with your friends and family who truly care and love you and treat you right.

~Rina
xoxo
North Pole

I would really like some help. I am a 26 year old femal that would like to know how do you get over a long-term relationship? I was with my boyfriend for 4 years and he broke it off with me seven weeks ago. And it still feels like the end of the world to me. I just feel that I am not healing at all and the pain still feels like it happened yesterday. How can you go from spending nearly everday and talking to each other everyday to nothing? It is just the whole no contact thing that is driving me insane. I am not sleeping or eating properly. I have lost 10 kilos and I feel that I am just going to get worse instead of get better. The reason why I am feeling so bad is because that saying is now ringing true in my head "You dont know what you have got until it is gone" My boyfriend treated me like an absolute princess in every way possible. He showered me with gifts, knew me inside out in every way possible and always cared for me in bed when we were making love. And I truly believe that I took him granted and just got use to him spoiling me. And I am absolutely kicking myself that I didnt look after the relationship as much as I could have. Basically, he fell out of love with me and I can see why. What I would really like to know is, how can you get over some when when they are occupying my thoughts 24hrs a day, 7 days a week? I really feel that I wont love another person as much as I love him still and that is the scary thing. And it sickens me to my stomach to think that he will end up with another girl to marry instead. I feel that I am going insane with all this no contact thing. I cant ring him as he doesnt want me to. Why is it that guys can move on so quickly without even thinking about the person that they were with for so long?

Chiara,

Did you read all of the postings? You sound like a very educated beautiful person and having no contact with him is the best thing for you right now. Why? Imagine. No contact and being upset/depressed, because obviously you will, for three short months (approx.) or being depressed for an even longer, prolonged period of time because you are in contact with him? Don't ever live with regret. Just remember, all the things that you thought you could have, would have, should have done to better the relationship is in the past. Take what you've learned and move on. This time is for yourself. Some self improvement, empowerment and realization. I promise you that you will make it. It takes time, excercise and good friends/family for support. You are not alone and allowed to feel the way you do. With love comes pain; they always go hand in hand. But don't be jaded by this. Life is a movie and you're the director. If you don't like a scene change it, hire new actors and call "cut" whenever you wish! Happy living!!!

Chiara and other readers,

Did you read all of the postings? You sound like a very educated beautiful person and having no contact with him is the best thing for you right now. Why? Imagine. No contact and being upset/depressed, because obviously you will, for three short months (approx.) or being depressed for an even longer, prolonged period of time because you are in contact with him? Don't ever live with regret. Just remember, all the things that you thought you could have, would have, should have done to better the relationship is in the past. Take what you've learned and move on. This time is for yourself. Some self improvement, empowerment and realization. I promise you that you will make it. It takes time, excercise and good friends/family for support. You are not alone and allowed to feel the way you do. With love comes pain; they always go hand in hand. But don't be jaded by this. Life is a movie and you're the director. If you don't like a scene change it, hire new actors and call "cut" whenever you wish! Happy living!!!

Hi Rina, You have such good advice after reading previous postings. But it is just so gut wrenching hard. I feel that it will take me a very long time to heal as I just cant stop thinking about him. Love can be so wonderful but yet so cruel. In my heart I just believe that I wont love another as I still do him. And who is going to treat me the way that he use to?! No one I can tell you that. Break ups are so god damn hard and at times it just feels like the end of the world and you cant see the light. I have so many regrets and "what ifs" so yes, I am punishing myself, but it is just awful that some people have to go thru this pain. Can you love again after someone has been thru this? I just cannot imagine it.

Chiara,

Dont worry,you will love someone again.I promise.I know you feel like it is the end of the world and time stopped in front of you.I felt the same way 5 months ago when my ex broke up with me.Every morning I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror and then thougt like I was the saddest person on the planet.But I tried to focus on myself and to keep me busy.And here I am.I dont feel those sad feelings about my ex and me anymore.When a break-up happens,people become negative minded,which is not bad thing,but you cant stay negative for good,right?Chiara,I really understand you,but I also want you to try to move on.You can do it and you are not alone.When my ex broke up with me,I dont know why butI didnt wanna talk about it with my close friends.Maybe because I thought they would just feel so sorry for me and I didnt want it.So if you feel the same way,you can click my name and email me and we can talk or we can even help each other.Sometimes it is easier for you to talk with strangers about some things. :) So feel free to email me.You are not alone!

Take care

Mayu

I can't get over my ex boyfriend,I just can't.He broke up with me 5 months ago.But I still love him so much and I want him back more than anything.But he doesn't want to get back together with me.How can I get him back? Help me please.

Why did he break up with you? That question is irrelevant. But even if you could magically 'make' him be with you, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Don't you want to be with someone who chooses to be with you and chooses to love you and chooses to treat you like a princess? It's been over 5 months, you should, by now, have been using your time thinking about other things, making other things your goal. Not knowing your whole situation, all I can say is that you absolutely cannot make anyone love you. It's impossible. It's free will for everyone. You will be fine and you'll look back and wish that you didn't waste that much time thinking about him. I promise. Trust me.

Please Help!It's been 2 1/2 years and I can't get over my ex- maybe becasue he was my first. I met him in college we dated for 5 years. It's crazy, I can't go on like this. He lives 4 hours away and we haven't saw each other in two years. His mother e-mails me from time to time. It has to stop I think about him constantly now I know break-up takes time but come on, I am young attractive, no kids, good job, I start graduate school in the fall- part time. Alls I can think about is a scrub,now he is with someone who just got has his baby in May.. she already had one of her own.... they are bailey making it. But that is beside the point I have to stop this...

Usually it doesn't take that long to get over someone and it seems that you know you have a good head on your shoulders and a good life ahead. This may go deeper than what the advice here can help you with. Have you considered a head coach? I recommend everyone to have one in their lives. If you'd like to email me with more details please do so. I'd like to hear about this. Remember, take care of yourself because you can't trust anyone else to.

Hi everyone! It's stephanie and alot of time has passed since i was last on here. I tell u, i've grown so much in 2 months. Rina, u were right. time heals and i feel like i'm completely over my ex. I don't hurt at all and barely think of him. When i do, it is of the good times we shared and not the negative, rough ending. Thanks for your insight. I have a question for anyone that wants to answer or offer their opinion: Do u believe that love hurts or love is pain OR that love shouldn't hurt at all if it is true?

Stephanie,
I think love hurts...thats why you feel so sad when you break up or lose who you really care.

It has passed 6 months since I was on here the last time. My ex called me last night and he said he didnt wanna stay friends with me. We tried to stay frineds and we have met once every 2 weeks. It is personal stuff but we always ended up having sex and we both knew it wasnt good thing for both of us. But we just kept doing and we finally decided not to do it anymore 5 days ago. And now he is saying he doesnt wanna stay frineds any more, talk to me, email me! What the hell is it!He is doing this cruel thing to me just because now he knows he cant have sex with me? Was I just a fuck buddy for him? I cant lose him. I am so scared to lose him. We have a long history between us and I thought we would be there for each other,no matter what...he said he is so sick of being in pain, and all we do is just cause each other pain. That may be true,but we were together for 2 and a half years. I cant lose him. what should I do? I am over him completely but I wanna keep him as a close friend of mine. give me any advice please...I would appreciate.

Hi,everybody!
Iam sorry for all who has to feel the pain of loosing a love one,as i have been in a releship for 10 years,and no i have to make some of the biggest choices,we have 2 kids togeather,and i need to get on.the bad thing is as well,as i was a home mom! he worked.now iam out with out a thing to take care of my children,as he has ran off with a girl.........and left us with out.i live 3000 miles away from my family feeling to ashamed to ask thm for help or to even tell them whats going on.............please help!

I've recently broken up with an guy that I have been with for 2 yrs. I have been through a lot with him. He has cheated on me several times with his ex and other girls. In the beginning of the summer I went on leave back home(I'm military) I met a really nice guy and we started talking over the phone a lot but he knew I had a man so we made sure to keep things strictly friends because I knew how it felt to be cheated on so I didn't want to do the same thing even after everything he has done to me. The guy treated me so nice, my mother and other close friends said I sounded so happy and back to my old self just from talking to this guy long distance. We could talk about anything and he always made me laugh. Anyways I went on leave again in Aug. I vowed to myself that once I got back home I would end things with my boyfriend because I felt happy for once and I was tired of his crap. Well, while I was on leave my boyfriend started to completely change, he was calling me constantly and saying that he wanted change and make things better. I didn't believe him. Then I got back home and he really put on a show, bringing roses to my job, begging me on his knees not to leave him, just a complete 360 degree turn around from this insensitive person I had known for so long. So I started to believe in him. I stopped talking to my friend. Me and my boyfriend moved in and everything was fine except for a couple of minor arguements because we wern't used to living together. We ended up moving again to a bigger apartment at the begining of Jan., which is a lot closer to the people he used to hang out with. First he started going out every weekend, then it seemed like everyday. He would go out to the club in the middle of the week. Slowly, I could see all his bad habits coming back and he would just tell me I was insecure. Then last week, he calls me at work and tells me that he is moving out in March and that he doesn't want to be held back from being able to talk to other people. I asked him about everything he promised me in Aug. and he said "it just felt good to say at the time but now I feel different". He has completely gone back to his old self and I hate being in my own house. I know he is cheating, he even stayed out all night after he went to the club. Yesterday he said we should take a break and see how things work out once he moves. I am so completely confused and hurt. Why did he even beg me the way he did if he wasn't serious? Now I feel so alone all over again. I wish I hadn't been so stupid and believed him. I could possible be in a good relationship with somebody who actually cared about me. I really want to make this pain go away. It is affecting me in every aspect of my life: my job, my school work, with my friends and family. I see myself slowly self-destructing because I feel so deceived. Somebody please tell me how am I suppose to get over somebody like this. He has killed my self-esteem. And after all he has done I still love him. What is wrong with me?! I have to be the most stupid person on earth! I offered to loan him money so he can leave earlier than March but he says the apartment won't be ready until the begining of March. We slept together last night and I felt so disgusted with myself. I started crying and he just turned over and went to sleep. If anyone has any words of advice that can help me, please offer it. I'm so embarassed to tell my family and friends because they told me not to believe him and I didn't listen. please help!

Rose, hang in there. As hard as it may seem, you must break it off with him. The most important person to think about right now is yourself. I am going thru a divorce right now, and as painful as it is, I know it is the best thing for me. I recommend a website for you to look at called flylady.net. The main premise of this site is learning to love yourself. And after major self esteem battering it is the first step in reclaiming your life. Don't give up hope.

I need some advice from anybody out there. I was seeing this girl that I worked with for about four to five months. We did everything together and I had moved in with her until I had to go back to school. During those months I had found myself in love with this girl. We'll that time came when I had to leave and move back to school for this semester. She had come with me to move and spend time with me during that week. But when school started she called me one day to tell me that things are not going to work out b/c I had moved four hours away. I was very shocked and for the very first time my heart was broken. It has been about four weeks since that has happened and I still feel the same as the day it happened. Does it ever stop? Every once in a while I go back to see her and I really do not know how to react around her. I definitly want to be her friend b/c I do not want her out of my life. However, I am tired of being so depressed and something needs to change b/c I do not now how much longer I can live like this. Please, can somebody help me with some advice on what to do.

me and my fiance broke up 2 weeks ago and im still not over him my heart is still in crumbs and it Just seems as if my life is worthless and im a Joke to him and his friend's but he has already found someone else and i said some things that wasn't right and hurtful do to my feelings towards me we was gonna have a life and alot of kids some day but now it's over with the guy i loved so deeply and as for i always will love him but the right thing to do is to move on anf to get on with my life.

and^)this is for all of you it is a poem that i had wrote when my fiance broke my heart the title is "Faith"...
the Faith of voices inside deeply and down
of the turn of Fate into a twisted mistake
the wind blowing within the silence of the
weaping heart of emotions calling out from
the wing's of an angel in the sky behind a
cloud looking down upon you with love to hold
in your hand at one thought of a mistake of
letting the one slip out your life into another
the mistake you so badly made of leting the
one you cherished and loved so deeply excape
your heart within the Breeze of rain of the
mist falling so smooth ways to care and to
never be forgotten the one that held your
future a baby and to be married the love
that was forgotten the feeling of being
all alone in this life of faith.

hello, my name is Daniel. i am 16 and i jus got out of a relationship with my girlfriend. we were together for a year and 9 months. Towards the end she told me that she had being seeing another guy for a couple of weeks. i was crushed by this. i asked her everyday if there was someone else and she said no. i realy loved her. people say that im only 16 and that there are many other gurls that will be coming in and out of my life and that it is puppy love. but what if its not? what if i felt something that most don't? teenage years are the most mportant years of your life. they are also the most affectionate and emotional times. well anywho... she is with this new guy and her reason of being with him rather then me is because she says that i don't respect her. that i always physically hurt her. and i know that i don't hit her. she says that when we play fight i tend to hurt her, and when we getinto argurements, i hold hre back from leaving and that i hurt her everytime i do. and all i want is to talk. communication is a big part of a relationship. so, point is, she is leaving me for another guy because i don't respect her as he does. i thought about taking my life (bullet in chamber and ready to go) but i can't seem to do it. but now im not afraid anymroe and i feel like im going to do something i regret. but at the same time, my head and heart is screaming to do it. i love her so much, and i am so commited to her. i need help on dealing with this. i want her back. i love her so much. she was my everything. (and i mean everything) my first,and im not ready to let that go. i been heart broken before, i don't know if i can handle it this time. i want her back. i love her. someone please help me.

My ex-bf and I broke up about 3 months ago and I'm still not over him. I mean we're still friends and he sends me SUCH mixed signals. But I've realized that I'm in love with a jerk but I still care for the stupid jerk. He seems interested in me but then when I say y don't we do something, he says ok I'll call u and then he never does. It gets on my nerves TOO much and I'm seriously going into a depression cuz of that. I rlly can't stand it. One day he likes me the next he hates me. I want to confront him but I don't know if it's right to, do u guys think it's ok if I confront him or should I just move on from this jerk cuz I'm still in love with him :(

Sara,
No one is worth staying with that makes you feel bad about yourself. It is hard to take that step, boy do I know, but you have to put yourself first. Just cross that guy off as one frog closer to your prince. :)

its been about a week since i broke up with my gurlfriend. she seems to be doing good. she is with her new boyfriend that i had mentioned. mean while, i been stuck here, crying and all alone. i tried talking to other girls, but its not the same. she was so special to me. things are very hard, expecially since my sister and brother are going thru divorces. I want her back. i love her. i need her. i jus don't think she feels the same way about me that i do about her. how could all of this happen after a wonderful year and 9 months? i would talk to my friends, if i had any. out of stupidity and love for her i left them all. and no i have no one but my family. but sometimes they don't help. everday i feel like calling her and telling her that i love her. was this other guy the reason for the break up? or does love really fade that fast? someone plz offer some caring words of advice.

hey everyone

this is painfull damn!! my 4 yrs relationship ended up reli badly,, on feb 23rd , i just found out that he was cheating on me the whole tym, hes been so gentle and he would never ever force me to hav sex with him, i relly love him till now, but i fucked up the last time, i said MANY MANY bad WORDS and things to him and he never said anything to me except that if i dont stop it he would start to reply to my anger but i didnt want him to do that so i just said to him that its okay and thanks for being nice to me, and its all just WRROONNGG!!!! i tried to ask him to be my friend but i couldnt becuz of wat i said!!! and now i NEVER see him at skul!! i never saw him since that day and it is me whos suffering now, i think of him too much, i once had a dream that he and i got married and i wont forget the things we used to do at night tyms(y'kno...) sadly to say that i started to chat with this guy and i guess that I AM interested in him but too bad, i just dont feel like i want to love a guy anymore, i really...really...loved him from all of my heart and HE KNEW he fucking knew it but didnt care!! it was my first TRUE love relationship that kept me on smiling, but now its all over and i need HELP REALLY BIG HELP

Hey- me and my boyfriend of 8 months on/off again relationship, just ended a few days ago an i'm really depressed b/c no matter what i do i can't get over him every time i start to move on a little bit he just drags me back in by sayin stuff like i still really like you but! i am still head over heals in love with him though and i just want him back, i mean he still trys to hold my hand and hug me and last night i made a big mistake of letting him kiss me so now i'm even more in to him, he says he wants me so bad but if he does then why don't he ask me back out duh!!! Please help me, cause i have no idea what to do!
-Chew

OMG! my boyfriend and I broke up six months ago after a year and a half relationship. We were so right for eachother I know.. until we both went to different universities and grew apart. We eventually broke up a week after our year and a half anniversary. The idea of breaking up was my idea and now I realize what I let go. We always told each other how right we were for eachother and even talked about getting married one day. We still talk maybe once a day or so, but I've told him that i want him back and he doesn't seem to care. He says he just wants to be single and 'live his life'. He says that if he wanted a girlfriend right now, it would definately be me but his signals are so weird! I don't know if I should wait b/c i'm soooo in love with him or move on... the thing is I don't know how to move on! When we talk on the phone he cuts the convo short or avoids serious subjects. I had major trust issues in the beginning and he is the ONLY guy I've ever trusted w/my heart. I don't know what to do! Wait or move on? But how?

Hey guys. Well, last night...I finally did it. I told my boyfriend of 2 years that we weren't happy together. I broke up with him. We cried together for 2 hours, and I finally went home. I threw up all over the street walkin to my car. As I am writing this, I am still crying. It feels like I haven't stopped. I haven't been able to eat or drink...anything. I love him with all of my heart and I know that he can be the person I want him to be. I've been with him since I was 17.Hes always been Caring, lovable...romantic. But he goes through phases where he don't want any of that. I always get upset cause I think he's unhappy...and he finally told me last night he was. He was afraid to break it off though I think. I had no other choice but to do it and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I know my best way to get over him is to avoid him but it's really hard for me to do. We have the same group of friends...and to do that I'd have to avoid everyone. And I know that this has to be done. I've told a few people today about it happening, and they said it was better that it happened now than years down the road when it might hurt more. I'm gonna be lonely for a while...But Im hoping that I'm gonna meet new people. I find that hard also though cause I tend to hold back. They aren't people I'm used to. And it hurts to think I'm TRYING to meet people because of him. He was my first kiss & first love...and I can't imagine being intimate with anyone else but him. Please, tell me what you think. Will I ever meet someone else? :*(

Yeah, i know the feeling. only there's no reason i shouldn't already be over him, he's such a jerk, and he acts like he's so sly by having another g/f already. he's cheating on her and he thinks i'm jealous of the girl he's cheating with! uhh.. i totally need some help.

Ughhh... Any advice would be great. I met a muslim girl who I was friends with for a year before even dating. Then we ended up dating in secret for a year because she didn't want her family too know. I was her first everything, she was my first everything. We got engaged and after a year of being engaged she broke up with me and said she never wanted to be with me again. We were apart for 5 months. She started seeing a total jerk who only wanted her for sex, she ended things with him after 3 weeks of beign with him and told me everything. She wants to marry me and start a life together, she is sure about me now but how can I get over the 5 month break up we had? During that time period she told me to date other people but I was still in love with her so I didn't do it. But after a few months apart she starts having a sexual relationship with another man :-( Now we have been back together for like 5-6 months and I have feelings for her but wanted to see what else is out there. So I had a one night stand with a girl who performed oral on me a couple of times. Should I tell her I cheated on her during our new relationship? She had someone else but did break up with me first. I feel kind of guilty and I still haven't got over her seeing another man so I'm not sure how to handle this.

Nevaa allow someone to be ur priiorityy while allowing urself too be there option...

About a year ago..i started to have feelings for a friend. The feelings started out to be quite miniscule. But over time..they grew to be quite strong. For the past 8 months..she has been all that I wanted. I have dreams about her, i think about her constantly. I love her more than anything and I would give anything to be with her but she doesnt want me. I cant get over the fact that she doesnt want me. I just cannot get over her. Ive been trying for 8 months to get over her and I cant. I dont know what to do. I still love her more than any girl ive ever met. She is just the girl of my dreams and I cant have her. Its kinda heart breaking to find someone you are so crazy about and then realize you cant be with them. I dont know what to do to get over her. Ive tried everything i can think of and it is starting to affect my everyday life. I cant sleep at night (at the moment i have not slept for 2 days), my mind wonders, i have become some what of an introvert, im depressed constantly, and i am very jealous of any guy that she dates. I hate being jealous because it is just selfish but I cant help it. Everytime I try to meet a new girl..I see the girl im trying to get over lol and its driving me nuts. Will I ever meet a girl like her again? That is the question I always ask myself..and the answer that I come up with is no. Just all of these things working together are messing with my mind. Ive cried myself to sleep more in the past 8 months than I have in my entire life. Please help me.

Hey Matt -

We've all been there. Here's what I've learned in hindsight.

Love is a mutual thing, end of story. If it isn't mutual, it isn't love.

You're definitely feeling a powerful attraction and an attachment, but it might help to admit to yourself that it isn't love. Instead, it's more of a self-serving (I don't mean that in a bad way) emotion you're feeling - you are getting something out of this attachment you feel for her.

Perhaps you feel that her presence would solve some sort of problem in you. Perhaps it's a lack of self-acceptance somewhere. Perhaps she has a large amount of something that you wish you had more of in your life.

If you think more about what exactly she *represents* for you, then you might be able to identify missing aspects you have in your life, and then you might be able to find more ways to create those aspects in your life, ways that don't involve being with her.

I'd bet that at that point, your feelings of attachment to her would lessen.

In short, she's probably not your soulmate, but she's definitely a clue towards your own self-evolution. Celebrate that.

tunesmith..ive been waiting to hear that kind of advice for months..but i still gotta find that missing thing..and I think it is confidence..I think that she fills the void for my lack of confidence or something. My lack of confidence goes way back to when I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with a guy i didnt know..that happened about 3 years ago. Ever since then i havent been the same and i think that is the culprit..feel free to email me if you would like barnesy2526@hotmail.com

Hi. i've been reading this site in an effort to get over Sam my ex. I'm 17 and we broke up about 5 months ago because i told him i was going to kill myself and he walked away. I am one of 10 children and my mother tried to kill herself in front of me about a year ago and I came back from summer camp six months later and she was in hospital again for a suicide attempt. I was having a really hard time and to me Sam was the only person who loved and cared for me. The only reason to live for. When we got together I told him how hard everything was for me and he said we could work through it together. It was like he was going to save me. But he walked away. When i needed him the most he wasn't there for me. I knew it was over, and deep down i knew it had never been real the whole time. He was an image of perfection in my mind and i needed him so much at that time that i overlooked his flaws in order for him to be perfect. But he wasn't perfect and he couldn't save me. I felt like I had no reason to live so i took 200 tablets and went to sleep. I woke up in the morning though. It was devestating. So then I spent the next 5 months in hospoital for depression. And all that time i wanted him back. I met up with him yesterday saying that I wanted to meet because I needed help getting over him. He met w me but he didn't even smile when he saw me. And I could sense he was on guard the whole time like someone had told him to not let me get close to him. From the outside the coffee went really well. We talked like old times but there was this underlying awkwardness. When i got home i sent him a phone msg saying do u want to be friends. He said not yet. It's like he always wants to be the good guy. I just want him to tell me what he really thinks of me instead of just telling me stuff like 'i just want you to be happy'. He doesn't realise that it hurts more to hear the crap than it does to hear the truth. By being reserved but nice to me at the same time he gives me hope and a reason to hold on. I have cried too many tears over him. I keep remembering all the bad times and thinking i don't want to be with this guy. But then there's this security and warmth that i miss so much. I just want him to be mine again. My heart wants him back but my head knows better. How do i stop thinking about him? I want revenge. He shouldn't have made me believed he loved me. I invested so much energy into our relationship. He was my all. And then he let me down and i almost died. I guess it's my fault for getting too close to him. I just wish i could find the off button.

Hi Flic

How are you doing? You are so young and its too sad to waste your life for this break up. I am sure you will meet someone else that you will love and that will love you and you will be so happy when you find him. so please dont try to kill yourself. I understand your feeling though, I went through the same thing but I am so happy with my boyfriend now and I think I can love him. I didnt think at all that I would meet someone better than my ex when he broke up with me but I did meet another guy and I am with the guy now. I dont know how long you guys were together but I am sure that you are so sad because you spent so much energy on him and you spent lots of time with him. And when you think of those stuff and those good times with him ,it seems like you will never ever forget him. But its wrong. Trust me, you will meet someone else and you will find a true love, so lets look forward to the day.Be strong and think about good things that makes you happy and laugh. Spent lots of time with your friends.That helps you for sure. You are not alone.

When I was 19 I went out with a guy for 3 months and I fell in love with him, but he didn't because he loved someone else. I think I loved him because it was more of a challenge for him to love me back. So I stuck by him for another 2 years and he finally realized after going out with me and being faithful for a year that I was the one for him and his love for me doesn't compare to anything. He cherished me. We got engaged for 3 years, then when I broke the news to my parents, they rejected him. They didn't even get a chance to meet him, just said no because he came from a not-so-rich and different background. Since I respected my parents I told him that it wasn't going to work out if my family didn't approve of him. We broke up and a couple of months later I got married to a guy who is obsessed over me. I told my husband about my first love and it took him a while for him to get used to the fact that he wasn't my first love and he had competion. When my first love found out that I got married, he got married. Time passed and I had a son. After 2 years he called me just to talk and to be my friend. When I met him one day, I hugged him like he came from the dead and he did the same. We both were regreting getting married and he gave me the option of coming back to him with my son. However, I had no excuse to leave my husband because he was so perfect. So I spent time with my first lover and I realized after time progressed that no one will love me like my husband does, so I told my old lover good-bye today.
One point you can get out of this is that for all the girls that think their first love is the only and best love, I say that is not true.
If you believe you are a good person and know you deserve the best, then you will achieve it.

Hi. I've been trying to get over my ex gf for the past 6 months. Some days it's fine, other days all I ever think about is her. We went out for over 3 years and as all know, it's very hard to get over. I feel I did love her, but never told her. Actually, I don't know if I loved her. I'm still unsure and confused. I do feel that she and I were perfect for a while. I had to break it off because we kept fighting, breaking up, then getting back. This cycle kept going for a while. I still feel bad because it was a harsh break-up. I had to break up b/c it was a bad time in my life and felt I couldn't "handle" her. Still feel sorry for the break up. Sometimes regret it. I have to force myself sometimes to not email her. I bought a new car to try and keep my mind off her and it helps(although I don't recommend this). But my advice to ALL: Really try to work things out when you're in a relationship. Don't take advantage of each other. If someone decides to leave or break-up, then it's not meant to be. Everyone sounds very young here(I am 22), so there's a lot of time to meet new people so go out and meet new people. Optimistically, you never know, you could have that special "click" with someone soon.

I split up with my boyfriend about 5 months ago and i miss him really bad.
He i swith someone else and i dont no how to get over him.
She is seeing all our friends with him and even my da i really need to get over it but i dont no how?

this is so pathetic but iv split up with my bf of 3years and i know its for the best i know its not ood for me to be with him but i cant help feeling so low!! someone help!!!

Me and my b/f of about a year just broke up in the beginning of july because I was kinda a bitch to him, I threw beer all over him when we were out at a bar in front of all his friends. We haven’t talked the whole month till now. He wants to get back with me but I found out that he was having sex with this girl who now just moved in with his best friend. I don’t know how I will be able to get over this because he is still always going to be at his best friends house, but that girl now is always going to be there now to because she just moved in as the roommate. My b/f says he dosen’t like her and he only loves me it was just sex and he is friends with this girl who I also know but now do not like. Should I not get back with him at all or try to give us another chance. Please help.

Thanks

Ive been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years in betweeen our relationship we keep breaking up an getting back together. Sometimes when he is upset he takes it out on me and pushes me around and threatens me but he never does what he says only sometimes and im sick of it. My friend tells me i need to leave him alone because he's cheating on me but he says their haters and they like him. But they have boyfriends. Then i tell him to stop calling me and he still calls me.I mean I dont want to see him with another girl it would break my heart because i still love him but i gotta let him go. How do i get over him and should i get my number changed. But the girl he used to date across the field she smokes and drinks very badly and he tells me he doesnt smoke anymore but hes in her house with the room door locked and she gives him letters and her little brother told me at one point they was kissing. Then one day he smoked some weed with her and she was only in a t-shirt and bra in the rain under her gazebo. Then he saw me come down the road so he went in her house in her room with the light off and i saw shadows moving up and down and the music was really loud. So i went home. Then his cousin who was visiting her brother, he got her to call me to say he loved me and to go back out with him so i went to sleep. What do i do i love him so much but it braks my heart to let him dom this to me and keep giving him 100 chances. He also had sex with a girl at school in her cousins car. I fell like im selling my short somebody help me how do i get over him?

I was dating a guy last year and we broke-up right before we left for college, the only reason was b/c of distance it was really hard at first but since i didnt talk to him that much it got easier and i am now dating another guy, but i went home over the summer and i've seen him a lot b/c we have the same friends and we've hooked up a couple of times. Now all my old feelings are coming back even though i know we can't be together and its so hard b/c he's so nice to me and sends mixed signals and we're still good friends but i really need help i just want to get over him. how do you get over a guy who never did anything wrong to you and you're relationship never had any fights or downfalls except for going to school on opposite sides of the country?

I have a problem. There is a guy I truly deeply like and I care so much about him. He's been my friend for over five years and he always had feelings for me. I never showed my feelings b/c I was in a long time relationship with someone else. I was in a horrible relationship with my ex and I broke it off with him over a month ago. I always wondered what my life would be with like this guy. I know I can always make him smile and the same goes for me. The timing was perfect for us and I believe that fate brought us together. But the problem is he got out of a horrible relationship three months ago and his ex's friend spotted him and I at a bar and told her. Suddenly she calls him constantly and now she's squatting at his place acting completely suicidal. He can't get her out of his house. She told him she wanted to come in to talk to him and still haven't left his place and it's been three days. He assured me that I'm the only one who has his heart. I do trust him. After all we've been friends for a long time. But what do I do? I'm insecure not because of him but because of her. I completely trust him but not her. Girls are capable of doing evil things. Should I fight for him or walk away? If she really cared about him then she would let him go. Doesn't she even have pride for herself?? Is it just an act because he tried to locate her friends and family to come get her but they don't even respond to his phone calls.

Boy. That one sounds pretty hairy.

It's hard to say what is going on with those two. If he let her in, she's got a hold on him, even though it's an unhealthy hold and he might be trying to get healthier. He might need a push. Maybe tell him that if he doesn't kick her out within x days, then you're moving on. Or if he's given you a time promise, hold him to it.

I doubt she "really cares" about him. Sounds more like she's just being possessive and selfish. I wouldn't get wrapped up in fighting *her* though - it's obvious that it's the guy that needs to do the work. If you somehow kick her out then you're just keeping him from doing what he needs to do.

Me and this boy have been together for about 2 1/2 months now. we are verry serious. he is more serious about me. he is in colledge and he keeps tellin me that soon he will get an app. and we will move in together and he wants to marry me. A couple of days ago we got into a big fight, when i say that i mean a fist fight. because he does not want me to go to school and he wants me to get a GED because he wants me to be home everyday waiting for him when he gets out of collage. I told him that i was going to school the next day and i had to go home he threw a fit and told me that he was done with me and he wannted me to go. so i got my things and he was trying to keep my video camra, (he says it was to make sure i had to come back) i wouldnt let him take it and i started huggin the bag not letting him get it. go he started wrestling with me hurting my neck so i asked him to stop and he did. after i was relesed i hit him my hardest in his eye ball. he hit me back in the back of my head then it was on from there. i was screaming, i was scared because i didnt know how far he would go. his brother and friend was out in the living room and they did nothin to calm him down. i ran into the living room and dialed 911. he ran after me and hung the phone up. we went back in the room and he started cryin to me sayin how sorry he was. i played along back with him because i wannted my things back with out a fight. next thing i know police come to his home and told his brother there was a 911 hang up and they were makin sure everything was alright. he looked at me in anger, i started crying tellin him how scared i am of him and i just want him to stop. we shortly made up after that but i still knew i had to leave... this was not good for me at all.. i called my mom and had her come and pick me up and he got made and hid my things. when my mom came i had her go and get everyhitng. when i got home he called me and i talked to him like everything was okay, we were back to sayin i love you and callin eachother baby.well i have talked to my friends about this and they tell me its only gonna get worse and they are scared for me. he wants everything done his way and if i dont do what he says he always threatens to be done with me. i relize we moved too fast and in a way i am glad because i see his true colors and i am glad i really didnt fall in love with him because that is no way to be treated.i am my own person and i have always done what i wannted to do. i have never listened to authority and i never will, so why does he think he can be my boss? i am my own boss and i will not tell me what i can and connot do with my life, such as going to school or gettin a GED. he was trying to make me feel bad about tellin himn that i didnt want to be with him by tellin me he love me more then anything, but i am sorry i will not live like that, there are so many people in this world, i know i can find one to treat me right. lately i have been havein this empty feelin inside because i feel like i miss him, i do miss the good things about him, i love him when he is a good boy but he has a dark side to him and i want nothing to do with that. i know i have to get out of this relationship before it is worse because this is not how i want to live. w/b

My story is kind of different. Im 16 and i lost my v at 15 to a boy well a boy who was suppose to be my boyfriend. He hurt me so bad he got another girl pregnant when he was going with me and he was fucking everybody in the school. I was with him for 8 months its over now but i still love him i don't know what to do. He like a new girl who go to the school and she don't like me because of him.

My old boyfriend was so sweet to me but things were like just really akward and stuff so we broke up. a little while after we still liked eachother a lot, we both did. and then we were going 2 try going out again to see if it was wrong 2 break up, but then we got in this huge fight about another girl, and he was basicly playing me and this other girl like it was just a game. but he still did like me (its more complicated than it sounds). so i told him i didnt like him anymore and he tried 2 get me back so hard 4 a really long time, but i said no cuz i was so hurt. and then he met some1 new and he said he didnt like me any more, even thou thats wut he always said after we got in little fights or something, and i just needed time 2 get over the thing that happened with this other girl and now i like him sooooooo much and feel like a bitch cuz i didnt give him another chance and a backstabber cuz one of my best friends has the hugest crush on him! and she duznt even no that i like him

im a single mom with 3 kids i married in the middle est pakistan and after i came to u.s my husband was abusive for 10 years after that i had shift legally to a shelter where they promise me that what ever they r doing is for my kids and my safty , after i got separate i started high school i graduated and now im in college doing medical coding and billing ,
i get the highest score in my class 4.0 gpa and now when im abt to start my life now the ppl says that i have to get divorce and child custody order from the court when i came to south caroina from california for my family safty how will i go to meet him in court or to let him know where i live at ?

if any one knows that there is a way i can get help then plz plz email me at smile_giver_girl@yahoo.com

thanx
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I just broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months yesterday b\c he told one of my best-friends that he was still in love with his ex g\f. It really hearts because I am pregnant and he promised me I would never have to go through it along and now he won't call he won't answer my calls or anything and i gave up my friends for him. And my family is telling my that i deserve a whole lot more than that but I cant help but loving him and what scares me the most is that if he was to ask me back out i would say yes. is there anyone that could HELP me!!!

Boy Kristina, I don't know. Him telling a friend of yours he was still in love with his ex-gf is a far cry from some of the other stuff I've read on this page. If that's the worst thing he's done then I don't know. He might just be freaking out about the relationship and needing some reassurance. Probably better to just ask him if he really is in love with his ex-gf and if *he* wants out of the relationship.

Me and my boyfrined have been going out for like three months now. i am in love with him, and i know that he loves me to. within the first 2 months of our relationship i cheeted on him with this boy that i liked before him, Raymond,i liked this boy for 11 months before i got with my boyfriend now. not too long ago we got into a fight or two. i told my frined that he hit me, but i was also hitting him back. she does not like that at all. she hates him now. well she took a picture of me and that one buy i liked for 11 months the night i cheeted on him. now she i threatin me to send him the pic but now i am verry much in love with my boyfrined now, i feel like i cant live with out him. i might also be pregnet. i dont know what i should do. this relationship is a lie because if he would find out that i cheeted on him, especially with the boy he knows that i liked forever, he would be hurt and i am scared he would never be with me again. a part of me wants to be pregnet because it is a gaurantee that he will be there forever, but then if im not i am scared to loose him and let him go. i dont know what to do? if i was to tell him what would i say and how would i do it? would it be best for me to end things before he finds out and hates me forever but still be frineds? i dont know someone please give some advise i really need it i am confused!!!!!

Sorry i also for got to say that the reason why i cheated on him because i knew in my heart i had to leave. he told me a day befor i cheeted on him that he is in a situation and he has to choose between me and another girl. and so on he said alot of things that really hurt my feelings and i took him verry seriously. that same day i talked to Raymond, i hadnt talked to him in a month, that was the longest we have never talked before. he told me that he wannted to be with me and i told him that he had to stop tellin me this because i had a boyfriend. he was verry hurt. asking me how i could do that to him and why did i do that. i said i was sorry. well after that talk with raymond, my x-boy called me and told me about the other girl and how one day he might had to choose. so i broke up with him and i saw Raymond the next day. i seen Raymond with so many feelings inside becaUse i thought that maybe we would have our thing going back on again and everything would be how it was. well that is not how it turned out. i have only talked to Raymond a few times scence that night and now i have spent so much more time with my boyfriend now i am in love with him. i cant be with him because a long time ago we fought and he hit me, i hit him back but now my frined does not want me to be with him so she is gonna black mail me. well now i hope that she doesnt because i have a chance of being pregnet. but i wont know for a couple more weeks. i am confused... HELP MEEEE!!!!!!!!!

me and my girlfriend broke up 2 months ago after 5years together.we had broken up before but this time it seems diffrent.we went through our ups and downs but i still love her.she told me she has been seeing someone else.this someone else lives in her building and so i am always thinking about what she is doing.the problem i have is that she called and said she need help financial and i was the only one that could help.so i helped her and then left her a message telling her i would leave her alone.well she calls back and starts telling me how much she hated me and to never call her again.so 4 days later she calls me back like nothing happened.then she calls me another time telling me she needed help again and i let her know y does she only call me for help and tells me again i am the only one that can help.well 3 days ago she calls me and i decided just to have a normal conversation but it did not turn out that way.she tells me how right now she doesnt like me too much as a person and how i should go out on dates and see what it is like.she just was saying hurtful words but then she tells me she was not happy and didnt think she end up with the guy she is seeing.after saying all these hurtful things to me i asked if she still thinks about me and she told me she didnt have to answer that question.the cell phone that she is using is mine which i pay for and she is still using.i still love her and dont know what to do.maybe i should just avoid her calls and let her see that i am not always going to chase her down and maybe she will realize what it is without me.

so my ex and i have been broken up for alomst 3 months i think about him everyday it hurts. he has been seeing a new girl since a week after we broke up. me and him dated a year and a half, he was my first love and everything, and seeing him with someone new hurts. he still calls me and says all sweet things and i have seen him a few times. i just want to get over him and i dont get how he got over me so quickly

My boyfriend was cheating on me when I broke up with him 3 months later he wants me back and started playing me all over again with the same chic. Men don't change they just want there cake and eat it too. Sorry us women just want the frosting.