Hunting The Muse

I am an idiot.

I am an idiot. I had all these thoughts prepared for my six month blog anniversary, but then I realized it has only been five months. Fuck it, I'll celebrate five months instead. :-)

It is my blog anniversary. Five months ago I started my blog. I mentioned feeling "pregnant", waiting for the next big thing. I mentioned hunting for my muse, hunting for something to feel vaguely single-minded about.

Well, it looks like my freelancing thing is starting to take off a bit. This week I got my first check from a contract in progress. Next week I start a new one, and today I submitted a proposal for a third. It's still really sporadic, but things might be happening. I also feel pretty consistently charged up about my side idea, hints of which you can read about here. Spending a few hours a week programming it.

So my technical life is going okay. What I'm sort of sad about is that my musical life is still only moving in fits and starts. I got access to a grand piano but I'm not practicing regularly. I had goals to buy a piano but I abandoned that goal by saying no to a salaried job. I am in a choir but it's not a really good fit. I found an a cappella group to be in but it didn't last... I found a couple of possibilities for music collaboration but none have turned into anything yet. I really want my musical life to start becoming a bit more active.

I guess there have been a lot of fits and starts in business as well. I had a ringtones project that fizzled. I had a project in video compression software that fizzled. I had ideas in starting online publishing services that fizzled. But somehow through all that some things started to take hold and move forward. Maybe it will be the same with music. Just have to keep trying.

I also have had some writing projects moving in bursts and starts. My nanowrimo novel went nowhere, but I did have a lot of fun not writing it. ;-) I started up The Glob again and I'm supposed to write the next chapter. (By the way, if you are a solid creative writer and want to write some collaborative fiction, please apply.) And this blogging thing seems to be going well. Maybe this is slowly starting to take hold as well. I'd like to start experimenting with some more formal writing styles and structures.

And finally socially. My friend situation has moved in bursts and false starts also. I dropped a couple of new friends and I believe that one, sadly, has dropped me. I lost a love and she is trying to find me again. I have toyed with dating a couple of times and it isn't really "taking" yet. I meet my best friends' wives and girlfriends and am stunned at how high-quality they seem to be when I have trouble finding those types of women when they are single. I have focused mostly on female friends but am possibly finding some new male friends as well.

These last five months have been quick. I am not sure what to focus on these next five months. Right now my priorities seem to be the following:

• Grow my freelance business. Get some recurring customers. Increase my skill set, and increase my rates to the point where I can live comfortably and not feel like I'm having to drive myself crazy.
• Increase my musical life. Collaborate musically. Find somethere where there is actually a continuing musical project and some synergy that involves me being musically creative. Perhaps some recording. Something where my skills fit in well.
• Devote myself more fully to the alumnudes, grow it into a network where people are more tightly connected. Think about this production company idea.
• Find some closer social relationships, including something that helps me feel more excited about future potential romantically.

I think just with those I will feel like I am making good progress. The annoying part is that I think I will probably have to move... I don't want to, though. I hate moving. Maybe I'll resist it unless a true opportunity comes along. I'll just listen and see what happens.

And I reserve the right to write a six-month retrospective also! I don't care if it has less of an impact now! nyeah! Posted by Curt at March 16, 2002 02:13 AM