Hunting The Muse

So, I met Sophia today.

So, I met Sophia today. Less than a day old. I see comments that other people give - "Oh, she's so gorgeous! I'm so happy for you!" and I wonder what other more complicated feelings they have when they say that, because it sure is more detailed than that for me.

They say that in moments of death, sometimes people's lives flash before their eyes. I found myself wishing that I could envision her life unfolding in her moment of new life. And of course, it doesn't - but what is strange is that the fact that it doesn't is what feels significant. It is such a mystery, so inscrutable - and in a way, almost obstinate. Like the universe is taunting you a bit - here's a life, here's a complete unlimited tree; a span of possibilities - and this life has made no choices yet that prune that tree. And she's just sitting there, trying to figure out how to make her eyes work. I mean, it's irreverent. And incredibly cute. I mean, all that potential - the potential power combined with the fragility, the wonderings of how one tiny little upcoming choice that kid makes could alter her future paths forever... and that kid has the nerve to just sit there and be cute. Maybe she's just taunting the universe right back. Which teaches something, I feel. Teaches that maybe there isn't so much pressure on making the right choices, maybe there isn't so much pressure on doing things the right way, maybe there isn't so much riding on following the "correct" paths in life. Because if before it all starts this kid can just sit there and busy herself with figuring out how her eyes work, how her fingers move, what the hell happens with her ass every few hours... maybe all those other feelings of weight and responsibility aren't all that all-encompassing. Maybe they're not such a big deal after all.

Anyway, I'm sitting there thinking all of that and it's not even my kid. So I'm definitely not thinking stuff like, "Oh, she's adorable!" (even though she is) and "Oh, I'm so happy for you!" (even though of course I am). It's just a lot more to chew on than that. And since it gets me thinking so much, about these things that feel important, I wonder what everyone else thinks too. If they even are thinking, that is. I'm sure they must be, though... Posted by Curt at June 5, 2002 06:37 PM