September 22, 2002
One thing I hate
One thing I hate about blogs is that they tend to be shared with people you are close to, but most of the more important things I might want to write about have to do with people that are close to me, which means they read the blog, which means that if you ever want to write stuff about them without editing yourself, you kind of can't. Or you can force it anyway. Or you can invest a lot of energy being diplomatic. I don't feel like being vague right now, I don't feel like being totally open if it will hurt a known reader, and I certainly don't feel like being diplomatic. So, I'm just frustrated.Weighing the three... weighing the three...
Basically I had this local friend that I only knew online. She didn't want to meet in person. I felt like I'd like her to be a regular friend friend since she was local. She's not into that right now. It's been eight months. For a lot of that time we chose not to meet for very good reasons, since we wondered if there was a romantic connection and I was going through transition. My transition didn't end very soon and I decided I was more focused on making friends anyway. Anyway, she started sensing more that I wanted to meet, and told me she wouldn't want to for another few months. So, I felt it through and realized I had been making too much social space for her in my head and in my expectations. I felt less attracted to communicating with her so often. She got upset. Now we're not talking at all.
So that's my recent drama. This wasn't spiteful or calculating on my
end at all. It's just feeling into reality, my limits, my hopes, what's
possible, doing what's right for me. I guess it doesn't work for me.
I'm sorry it doesn't, but it doesn't.
Posted by Curt at September 22, 2002 01:21 AM
So, this is my first post to someone's journal.. ever! I guess either feel lucky.. or frightened. ;)
But the things you say here are exactly what I am going through right now. I want to have my blog, so I can get all the ::things:: out! Things that need to be said in some sort of forum, but don't necessarily need entire conversations or tirades or other such drama..
So what ::does:: happen when people start reading your blog?
I've always had such an issue with writing, in general, as my high school english instructors always insisted that I cannot write. At the time, I believed them. What they really meant to say, was that I could not write in the prescribed formula that was expected of me. You know the one..
Opening Paragraph, including the 3 main points that will be expanded upon in the paragraphs to follow.
1st Paragraph, including excellent transitional sentence from your opening paragraph into your first main point.
2nd Paragraph, including an equally witty transitional sentence from your first paragraph to relate the first idea to the second.
3rd Paragraph.. yet more, more, more of the same.. but now running out of the oh-so-famous supporting details.
Closing Paragraph. One last transitional sentence, brining you home.. and into the sum up of all three points mentioned above.. Basically.. repitition.
It totally sucked. I don't like any sort of repeated information. And I continually refused to write to this format. My protest ended up with me in a ::remedial:: english class for the tenth grade, to which I had to suffer yet another read of Beowulf. I did, however, sweet-talk the instructor in letting me present a ::musical:: reaction to Beowulf, rather than the traditional written format, for the simple reason that I was BORED.
The same held true when I was trying to pass those tests in grade school.. TAAS. The Texas Assessment of Academic Skills.
In 1st grade, the first exposure to this style of testing.. We were all given the handouts with the secure-seal of paper that needed to be broken using our No. 2 pencils. The writing section was a very THIN booklet. It consisted of a cover.. thick enough so that we could not see the test items before the clock started.. a few pages for writing your STANDARD demonstrative report, and one single page, for the topic of said report. The first grade version only included a poorly drawn scene of a mouse family. There was a mother mouse.. and a couple of kids.. I cannot remember if there was a father now. They were all doing something.. and the mother was wearing a polka-dot dress and leaning over the round wooden kitchen table. Of course, looking back .. I now know I was supposed to DESCRIBE what was going on .. physically in this drawing.. on that day, when I read DESCRIBE what is going on.. my imagination took me to a story, childrens book style as to what was going on in the life of this mouse family. Needless to say, I failed this portion of the standardized test.
I guess what I am really trying to say.. after this extremely long ::comment:: is that I have plenty to say.. I just don't want to have to worry about the critique of others on the WAY I want to say things, and the things I want to discuss..
So, does that leave me with never handing out the address of my blog? or.. with fewer social invitations? ;)
Curt.. let me know if my comments are too long. They won't always be this way.. But Standardized Testing always gets me riled up. ;)
hehe.
Posted by: Shannon at February 25, 2003 09:50 PM